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With a camera in the roof pointed at it that OCRs the most recently stabbed ticket and automatically marks it as 'done' with any comments you hand-wrote onto the slip of paper.

This is how I work! I write my tasks on slips of paper and stab them on to the spike when done.

https://share.icloud.com/photos/0f3i7xv2QbOeofiM4atMtSCzA

That's way more civilized than I was expecting. I was thinking something more like this

https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/dozens-of-food-and-drink-r...

I’m a bit of a neat freak. My partner jokes that I fold the re-useable shopping bags from the supermarket. (But they take less space that way!)

That's a lovely system. I would definitely put my hand through the spike accidentally!

Get to etch them on stone - go further back in time.

Damnatio memoriae if the issue is actually "functions as intended" and that can be clearly seen from the documentation?

It's called a spindle.

No, I’m fairly sure the correct technical term is “metal spike thing”.

/s