> I would never forgive me if one day another child gets killed and I could have avoided the tragedy if I choose to fight.

Sounds like you already know what you want to do. If you need help, please see a professional therapist. It isn't weakness, it isn't for other people, it isn't weird. You've had some serious trauma. Your lawyer makes a bad therapist. Court systems make for bad therapy. HN comments will never be the answer to something so deeply personal.

I hope for the best for you and your family.