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Comment by hurflmurfl | Hacker News Reader

When I don't have anything work-related to report, there are no concerns on either side, and there are no situational changes, we just chat with my manager for the whole half-hour about various life topics.

Sometimes it may bring to memory something related to work, which we can discuss. Sometimes it will be completely unrelated to work for the whole meeting, but I think there is still value in that. It helps us build a better relationship and reveals more about who we are and how we think and helps just generally "tune" ourselves to each other.

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I hate when this happens. It's been a recent revelation of mine that I'm happiest when my personal business remains personal. I hate having to scrape through my life sanitizing topics into conversational safe spaces just to get paid.

You can talk about life topics which are professional in nature. You keep your personal out of it.

Very much agreed. Those personal anecdotes and stories shouldn't have any affect on the workplace. But often you'll find subtle biases coming from the other party, after sharing stuff they may not like or agree with. It's fine for everyone to have their own opinion and certainly feelings on things. I don't want to share anything personal, or not work related at any work function/meeting. I don't want someone else's opinion on my personal life affecting their opinions of my work.

It is unfortunate, innit?

That's just how it goes with most people - you have to adjust yourself, almost the way you do with children.

I personally like talking about life-stuff with certain people, but not with all. In practice there's a handful of people where we do share those things, and a bunch where we don't.

And imo that's totally fine.

We usually start 1:1's with a little smalltalk, then list the agenda points that both participants have prepared. We cover those, and if there's time left we either talk about life, freestyle into broad work topics or end the meeting early.

There are times when I feel like a meeting wasn't valuable, but by far most are valuable. Especially in a fully remote team (even pre-covid), it is a moment to talk and get to know one another (again, only if both parties want to)

You're not a work robot, you're a human being with a life. It's only natural for people to want to discuss their lives with each other. It's hilarious when people on this forum complain about being treated as "faceless worker drones" and then leave comments like this.

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