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Comment by carom | Hacker News Reader

Lonely is an incredibly accurate way to describe working at Google. Everyone says the office perks are there to trick you to stay, but our work area was quieter than a library and no one hung around. If people were talking they'd legit catch themselves and be like, we should grab a conference room. Incredibly polite but also an uncomfortably quiet environment.

I think a lot of people just wanted to put in their hours and get home to their families. I love pool but never played with anyone on the table one floor down because it just wasn't a make-friends environment. I think I shot the shit with someone when I got into work a handful of times in the more-than-a-year that I worked there. Huge reason I left.

This isn't even coming from a social person. I prefer WFH. I don't particularly like going out. However, if I'm gonna be forced to be around people I'd at least like it to be pleasant.

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That sounds amazing, I dearly wish for "library rules" on the floor. The office has plenty of social and collaborative spaces that aren't where my keyboard/monitor/charger are, and switching to one of those spaces when you're going to have a conversation is a good norm.

That’s how it’s been at my office (even pre-pandemic). The open office is relatively quiet, there are several areas good for quiet conversation, and lots to conference and phone rooms. It’s great for those days I need to get out of the house, and just as productive.

100% agree on this.

I've attended the weddings of multiple friends from my first job. I'm still in touch with 4-5 people from my second job. I haven't spoken to anyone from my team at Google since the day I left. I had good, cordial relationships with all of them, but it was also incredibly impersonal. I don't even recall learning anything about anyone's spouse, for instance.

Is it possible that in general we have more attachment with our colleagues in our earlier jobs than the later ones?

I remember when I got my first job I was extremely social and would try to make friends with anyone. But now that I'm on my nth job I don't feel the need to socialize as much and would prefer to put in my work hours and move on with my life.

This resonates a lot with me.

This is somewhat true. Definitely at the start of your career you are more gregarious.

I don't think it's a good thing though. Middle aged men especially, I think, generally could do with a wider circle of acquaintances.

I try to keep in touch with a lot of my ex coworkers every 6 months.

Some of them are actually very keen to catch up, years after the job.

I'm friends with people who I was not very friendly with on the job 18 months after I've left the place, after sending them a text message saying "how's it going."

I made more enduring friendships in each of my 3yr tenures at Facebook and Microsoft than I did at 8yrs of google

Why do you think that is?

At Microsoft there were a lot of discussion lists for niche passions like paintballing (we drove out to the boonies and just pulled into the woods where some people had built bunkers). It was also my first job out of college, so my cohorts were all looking for friendships.

At Facebook I was part of a startup acquisition. Those members were battle buddies. Facebook also had a cultural value that you should bring your authentic self to work, which I think led to people bonding better. That or it’s because Facebook threw lots of parties with inappropriate amounts of alcohol

Bring Your Whole Self To Work is literally a slogan in Google's internal training.

I feel like it should really be:

“Bring The Best 90% Of Your Self To Work”

Honestly, we all have a part of ourselves we should leave at home.

Did you work at FB before Google? I wonder if age and family is a confounding factor here. I've lost touch with several friends I made when I was younger as they've prioritized parenting above friendship. I have no kids so I am basically persona non grata (except for the occasional IM). That's a fine choice for them, of course, but it definitely contributed to a reduction in events held outside of work hours.

Depends heavily on team. Almost all of my teams have been quite social, with a lot of office banter and regular lunches and social activities together. I was in today, with about half of my team, and we had plenty of non-work conversations and a nice lunch break at Backyard Barbecue (now open as of this week!).

This may be because I'm a middling-social person; I'm an introvert by nature, and don't mind long stretches of alone time, but I can also hold a conversation about non-work topics. All it really takes is two extroverts (or at least reasonably friendly people) on the team to change the dynamic.

Worked for a much lesser international company and it was exactly the same minus the politeness. I had to find a quiet corner to get some work done.

Man that's sad.

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