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I've met plenty of people who needs to be right and don't even try to be nice. Usually overly intellectual types.

But I've also met very smart people who helps others a lot and cares about how they feel.

I think it's about emotional intelligence a lot. Do you have it or don't you.

If you don’t have it, this is a fine place to grow it with community prodding.

Hard disagree. ;-)

I'd concur with another post way up-thread that there's a kind of "HN voice" that gets you a pass on moderation, but you can be very nasty while staying within that, and usually threads are full of that kind of thing.

HN is a great place to learn to put the "aggression" in "passive aggression".

Sometimes you turn over a rock and there's beauty beneath it, sometimes the revealed snake bites your hand. There is still value in turning over the rock for when the diamonds are found.

> there's a kind of "HN voice" that gets you a pass on moderation, but you can be very nasty while staying within that

That is what they call social skills. Knowing where the line is drawn and how to say things without being too offending is social skills, they navigated the social environment to get the results they wanted.

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