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MAC address, store security tapes, cell phone geo tracking data.

I mean, you're right, face in a huge crowd is potentially more security than hidden really well, but it's not perfect either.

MAC addresses are easily changed. You don't have to be in a store, or even near it, to use its wifi. And you don't have to bring your cell. Or you could use a throwaway prepaid.

Long story short, no competent hacker would get caught using hidemyass, and the Feds are once again putting on a dog and pony show.

Because Starbucks doesn't sell Mountain Dew or Red Bull?

I wouldn't do that. It would pin the attacker down from 'anywhere in the world' to 'he lives somewhere near this Starbucks'.