If you find out, let me know! Folks are always asking me "What database is best?" and I'm just shuffling my feet and going "Uhhhh, well, systems are really hard to build correctly, there's lots of tradeoffs, you probably want something with a proven replication model under the hood but so much depends on workload and operational characteristics beyond just safety... If you find a database you love please tell me about it because I like hearing people's stories..."

FWIW, I think you're raising really good questions in this thread. Qualitative safety is highly contextual, depending on fault model, significance of individual operations, concurrency, throughput, latency demands, operational characteristics, data volume, etc etc., and I try to touch on that in the "Toward a Culture of Safety" section in this report. Hopefully that resonated for you.