If only modern medicine was reserved for the Master Race, it would be so much simpler, and cost effective!

But before you seek medical treatment we’ll just need you to fill out this questionnaire:

1. Have you ever had an alcoholic beverage?

2. Do you have a BMI greater than 18.5?

3. Have you ever eaten at The Cheesecake Factory?

4. Do you ride, run, or swim less than 40 miles per day?

Please understand that your answers may disqualify you from eligibility for healthcare. Thank you, Acme Excellence Health Partners.