Comment by wccrawford | Hacker News Reader

Comment by wccrawford | Hacker News Reader

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I'm an American that doesn't buy new clothes often, but I want to provide my view. My clothes last a lot longer than 2-3 years. To get to the point that they're ragged or faded takes a long time for most of them. (The very cheapest t-shirts from online sites are the exception. I don't buy those any more.)

On the other hand, my wife gets great pleasure from getting new clothing. She has a lot more than I do, and still she buys more. She is genuinely excited about wearing and showing off the new clothes she bought. When she gets a compliment about them, she is very, very happy.

Strangers aren't likely to give those compliments, and friends aren't going to compliment the same clothes again. To get those feelings, she needs new clothes.

All that said, she doesn't buy as many clothes as many of the vapid women/girls that I've met over the years. She's responsible with her money and doesn't buy excessively. But watching her emotions about the ones she does buy informs me a lot about the less responsible women out there.

I don't know any men like that, but I have seen them on TV (especially "reality" shows), so I'm sure they exist, too.

Thank you for your reply.

> On the other hand, my wife gets great pleasure from getting new clothing. She has a lot more than I do, and still she buys more. She is genuinely excited about wearing and showing off the new clothes she bought. When she gets a compliment about them, she is very, very happy.

My wife feels the same way. We both have discussed this and have a hypothesis that the compliments for her new clothes is received more often from women (and men sometimes) who belong to the previous generations. We feel this is partially because during their lives buying clothes was more of a luxury than an everyday thing, mainly due to scarcity. Traditionally new clothes have been bought for festivals and kept and cherished for the years to come. This came to around 5-10 new clothes per year. But now we can just buy whatever whenever.

> friends aren't going to compliment the same clothes again. To get those feelings, she needs new clothes.

Another observation we have is that we have been groomed by the previous generation to like newer clothes that we arent able to appreciate the other things in our lives. My wife has a successful business which she started at the start of the pandemic, but this gets a lot less discussion than what she wears or what plants she grows at home. We feel this is also reflected by how the previous generation might have defined self worth for a woman.

In case she is open to discussing this, it's a fairly common problem. It can be resolved by finding another source of praise, for example volunteer work or teaching, or exceeding in extra activities in her field. She is not needing new clothes but attention, and there are healthy ways to achieve that. Experience: my own (as a woman) and various friends over the years.

Hey please have a look at my reply above. My wife would definitely love to make better friends to talk about something other than clothes/earrings. As a woman how do you handle such situations when your self worth is evaluated by the newer clothes/things you wear as opposed to talking about your success in your career?

I should have added "attention and validation" as these are normal social things that we all need. Wanting these are not bad, it's just how we get them that can sometimes be unhealthy.

Is it possible your wife has lower self-esteem? It becomes a vicious circle, as you seek ways to increase it using the best ways you know, until you become self-aware enough to step out of the pattern. Does she have opportunities to be praised by other women for non-material or visual qualities? We all need this.

I don't think she has a "problem" per se. I think her clothes buying is entirely within reason, and she makes wise decisions about when to buy or retire clothes.

I was mainly extrapolating her feelings for new clothes to others who spend a lot more on clothes.

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