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It's not sarcasm. I've looked pretty hard for the right app and haven't found one that meets all of those requirements. If it's that saturated, then what would you suggest?

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Google Keep, Microsoft OneNote, Notion, Obsidian, Simplenote, Bear, Joplin, Notable, Inkdrop, Supernotes, DevonThink, Craft, Standard Notes, Notability, Roam, Nimbus, Notejoy ... these are just the ones I could think of without even searching.

Personally I'm pretty happy with Apple Notes, though Bear is a close runner up.

Missing NotesNook but otherwise good list. Anytype is in beta and there’s of course just ordinary text files ;)

All of those either require a paid subscription for syncing/storage, don't support mobile & linux, or are electron-based and take a long time to start up.

I'm not sure why they don't go the Syncthing route of offering peer-to-peer note syncing.

I use Automattic's Simplenote. I pin the web app in a Firefox tab, avoiding the Electron app. The Android and iOS apps are both great tho. Live sync is perfect, you can publish read-only links to notes (like pastebin), and it has basic Markdown support but basically no other frills.

I’ve been using iCloud notes by pinning a tab, but the search is pretty slow. Does Simplenote fare better here?

Has live search, it's as quick as you can type.

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