Ask HN: Do you have/show empathy for people that don't seem to have empathy? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Do you have/show empathy for people that don't seem to have empathy?

2 pointsjrs2356 comments

Like people who you suspect might be psychopaths or sociopaths? How do you deal with them and rationalize how you deal with them? Do you have empathy for them? Please no flame wars or confrontational disagreements. I'm just curious what and how this crowd thinks about this topic.

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It's possible to have empathy for someone insofar as understanding that there are likely reasons and motivations behind their actions, without taking it as your responsibility to debug the way they are rather than protecting yourself and others from them. In the abstract, it would be nice if someone did so, but it's a high-risk low-success activity to attempt.

I have a baseline level of caring for everyone, even the people I will make every effort to keep far far away from me and from anyone and anything I care about.

I think compassion is better than empathy because it gives you the space to not care about someone's angle while understanding where they might be coming from. Usually, fear and confusion.

Yes if and only if empathy in their concerning sick mental and only have intention to help... But see if we already have great patience

I worked for a borderline sociopath for nearly 6 years. He would bare face lie to you, knowing you knew he was lying to you, and require you to agree with him or face the sack. He would set you up to fail with a client, telling you a pack of lies about a job, so he could wade in after you'd stuff up and 'save the day'. So you had to do two jobs, what the client actually wanted and the fake task he'd set you. It used to annoy the hell out of him when the clients reported they were really happy with my work.

I stayed there that long because I had a really thick skin and the benefits of staying far outweighed leaving. I rationalised that he could sack me tomorrow, but every day I got more experience and satisfied clients. In the end he was the cause of too many other people leaving, seeding so many mortal enemies into the industry at quite high levels, he tried to blame me for 'white anting' him, but finally sacked me, that backfired spectacularly and the company folded soon after.

I managed to pick up a great job off the back of what I'd done at that company so it worked out really well.

I dealt with it with a thick skin. I did feel empathy towards someone who must have been treated very badly some time in their early life, could not bring themselves to trust their staff and felt compelled to lie even when the truth would have been OK. What a terrible burden to carry for someone who was quite well off.

In hindsight I should have left, but personal circumstances at the time limited that option.

> The ability to identify with or understand another's situation or feelings: synonym: pity.

On the internet: Of course not. It's impossible.

IRL: Mostly not, with few exceptions.

No and for your own sanity you probably shouldn't.

I've recently realised I've had 4 people in my life who would definitely fall under varying combinations of sociopath and narcissist and looking back with hindsight they've not changed in any positive way whatsoever and most other people we both knew have moved away from them - https://www.vice.com/en/article/evg45k/narcissists-will-even....

The best way to deal with these people is to slowly move out of their lives - find out what they have no interest in and visibly show interest in it as something that occupies your time.

There's plenty of less exciting, less drama filled but more deserving people in life to give empathy and your time to.

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