Ask HN: Why are so many Americans remaining unmarried in their 30's and 40's?

I can think of several reasons why, over the last few generations, people are not as keen on marriage:

- when America was more of a farming country, kids were needed as free labor. But now we are no longer a country of small family farms.

- the pill only became legal in 1970: https://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/book-excerpts/health-arti... Widely-available, effective, and no-stigma birth control is a rather recent thing, and without it, you get kids, and kids need adults - usually more than 1 - to raise them.

- in past generations, women were financially dependent on men, so marrying was required. Women can be self-sufficient now.

- in the 60's, a young couple could own a home, car, boat, motorcycle on the husband's income, and have a couple of kids. My parents, like many others, did it right after high school and my dad worked at a grocery store as a bagboy and then butcher. The economy has changed a lot in the last few generations (60 years) and raising a family right out of high school is no longer a slam dunk.

- college tuition has become completely unreasonable. My generation could pay for college with a part-time job. The next generation needed lots of financial help from parents. The current generation is taking out huge co-signed loans that are like buying a house, and going into a marriage with a couple having two of those loans is a scary proposition IMO.

- in previous generations women raised the kids because they didn't work. Now that women work, daycare corporations raise kids, and daycare is expensive. A couple needs 2 cars & insurance for both. In the 60's, women didn't have cars. In the 70's, women (mothers) had a "beater" car. In the 80's, more women worked part time and got decent cars, like with air conditioning! Today, working women want a nice car just like their husbands have, and cars today are expensive: most car loans are 5-7 years now

I suspect if kids could graduate from high school, own a home, 2 cars, and raise a couple of kids on one parent's income, or both parents work part-time, more people would get married and do just that.

Both men and women are free of the sociological, religious and economic strictures that, in the past, forced them into marriages. Recall the old Victorian appellation of - fallen woman that was applied to a woman who had borne a child out of 'wedlock' - yes, 'lock' was the descriptor. Society and religion imprisoned women in this manner. Now, women/men can form short and long term liaisons, with or without children and enjoy life/work/love etc, as they please. Modern social support patterns, coupled with child support laws as well as the willing/loving support of the parents mean the child is supported and educated - for the most part - there are flaws in this idyllic scenario in the many areas/countries not compliant with this optimal state - although steady gains over the past 50-75 years are steadily improving this position. A large part is due to modern birth control, coupled with the steady decline in religion based controls over society that allow women greater freedom.

The real question is why are so many people still getting married? Marriage offers little upside to outweigh the vast number of cons, especially if you're in an economically superior position compared to your spouse.

Because it’s really hard to be married. To be successful at it. I’ve been married 5 years. And boy I wish I knew what it was going to be like. It’s extremely rewarding but also very hard in that it requires one to be selfless and patient and to be willing to understand that your partner is a product of an upbringing that is likely very different than your own and they likely approach things very differently and have wide ranging takes on money or responsibilities in the home etc etc etc. Also people change. When we got married I’d say politically I was center right I think I’m much more left than I’ve ever been. She remains center right.

Over the years I have learned how to change and adapt and compromise and I learned I wasn’t mature enough to get married but I love her so we did.

My point is that it’s hard and I think folks are understanding that more and more now and deciding they likely don’t need the ceremony or the cost to show commitment to someone.

Just my two cents.

The number itself is meaningless without giving some baseline. How many is 'many'? As compared to what? Also notice judgemental assumption creeping in, whether intended or unintended, that this is certainly a bad thing: Those many unmarried people, they surely should be married, shouldn't they?

Many can't afford house ownership before that age bracket anymore, as real-state prices got inflated and economics failed them. If the risk of going homeless is a grim prospect for single people, it's a much worse one for those that would take spouses and children along as well.