Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
I'm 23, me and all my friends are alcoholic. I just can't have fun without alcohol. Been looking for solutions to replace alcohol to have fun but I couldn't. How do you have fun without alcohol? Thanks
It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to.
So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without alcohol. It's still fun.
Meeting the people is the hard part I think. For that you probably need to find activities and events where booze won't be around. Find things you like to do sober, then find groups of people doing those things. Join game jams, or board game nights or take a martial arts class or a salsa dancing class or something.
This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea.
If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of simply not drinking something.
(Obviously if you have a medical condition or something, or a history of addiction, then this might not apply)
edit: there are many replies to me talking about addiction and accusing me of encouraging an addict to engage with their addiction. I'm not. I said it above, but if you have a history of addiction, or if this is an addiction problem, obviously this advice does not apply, and you should distance yourself from addicts.
Finding a new group of friends in that sort of situation is absolutely the correct move. Addicts do not let other addicts quit.
I read that as: all of my friends drink alcohol, not all of my friends are addicted to alcohol.
If OP and all of his friends are alcohol addicted, then yeah: that's a medical problem and my advice doesn't apply, which I already said.
I can’t imagine using “alcoholic” to describe people who consume alcohol in moderation. And I am around a lot of teetotalers.
Also, there aren't really that many actual alcoholics at 23. Actual alcoholism tends to take years to develop.
Sounds like an alcoholic to me.
If people are drinking, it’s often in places catered to drinking as well, leaving not many other options. Being sober in those places is, frankly, boring.
As someone who doesn't drink this is 1000% true. I don't want to hang with the drinkers because it is boring as hell.
I don't read the advice as "remove all your support framework, friends, and family and go at it alone". I read it as "find supportive people who can enable your goal".
For me, it's absolutely trivial to not drink or not smoke in groups of friends. But that's because I'm NOT a drinker and I'm not a smoker.
For anybody I know who IS a drinker or a smoker, casual or hard-core, the social aspect is absolutely pervasive and can be brutal in trying to quit. If one is not a drinker or smoker they may have a hard time fully empathizing / understanding how hard it can be to be around others who not only partake, but see it as critical focal part of activities.
keeping a habit is a lot easier than changing one. change needs encouragement and if that encouragement doesn't come from friends you already have, new friends are needed. that doesn't mean to give up old friends, but it means to get an additional circle of friends.
new friends can be found by joining a new activity or picking a new hobby, or to go visit new locations...
If you like watersports, suggest doing soemthing like that. Or go to the gun range. Or go to an origami course together.
If no one suggests anything then to the bar it is. But there's a lot of options, but it requires active thinking/planning/doing from both parties.
But if this is just some scattered collection of folks whose lives revolve around getting drunk together, then IMO it's no big loss to move on. There's plenty of awesome people out there to discover.
More seriously though - It's 2022. For better or for worse, if that is desired, it is trivially easy to find fellow members of any given subculture and preference group. Friendly non-alcoholic atheists are far from fringe in this day and age (geography depending of course, but the short post does not specify).
Finally, I don't think I've read the "non-religious" portion in the original ask - so not sure where that part even comes in. People who don't need to drink to have fun, or people who can have fun without drinking, are pretty common.
I'm also not sure why religion comes into it. If you're a non-believer and you don't want to socialize with believers I feel like you've missed the whole point of atheism/agnosticism.
People comes and goes, booze night can be fun at times. But if it stopped been fun, then your decision of leaving should be honored. Otherwise, the relationship is unhealthy and needs adjustment.
This is really good advice. You'll never be able to give up a bad habit or an addiction so long as the people around you are caught up in the same thing.
For years I was unable to quit smoking, in part because the folks I hung out with and the people I dated were all smokers. I moved to a different city, started hanging out with non smokers and was able to quit in a few months.
It's honestly hard, and the first year or two won't be great. Boardgames and cafes are boring as fuck compared to getting drunk. Sure, rafting and cycling and other examples might fill up a Sunday afternoon, but they don't work for Friday night.
Over time you adjust. I've made a few friends that don't drink. I have others that I can go out with and they don't mind me not drinking.
At some point you realize that you won't be having as much fun as getting drunk. But your life will be better in other aspects, and that will make it worth it.
Did you move away or you stayed in the same place? I notice that changing things radically helps a lot; I moved 1000s of kms which allows to reboot. If I would've stayed, well, all people from my previous life live there still and the same bars and other 'fun' is there still. When I go back for a visit, even a week, it is party time then first night and all nights after that until groggy and nauseated on the plane home. I don't enjoy that anymore as I like my work and my hobbies and most of them need a clear and responsive mind, not a cotton ball and depression. My current group of friends mostly drink socially but don't mind to have people to do fun stuff with that do not. So for me a Friday of not drinking at all(which are most Friday nights of the year), I cook pizza in my woodoven, cook food, make snacks and have a movie or game night etc. My mates get slightly legless but we all have a lot of fun and I am mostly busy with preparing things so time flies with something I enjoy.
The OP took the first step already: admitting that getting drunk is a bad habit.
Breaking a bad habit is like choosing to learn to walk all over again: lots of bumps on the head, and a not a few failures, but eventually you learn to walk again.
Changing my peer group was the most important thing. Hanging out with people who drink at places where drinking is the main activity is not a good way to stop drinking.
Travelling was a great way for me to find other likeminded people. I moved to SEA where I found lots of people who weren’t drinking.
Once you have friends who aren’t alcoholics, you can start doing non-drinking things for fun. Hiking, riding motorcycles, jamming on instruments, talking about philosophy, fishing, writing code… Anything that you would consider fun.
Partying is also possible without booze, but the event has to be one that’s less drinking oriented. Typically, venues are making most of their revenue from alcohol sales, so it’s not easy to find the right one. But there are still some underground electronic music events, raves or even Sunday morning ecstatic dances, etc.
If you want to use substances, I found that mushrooms at the dose of around 0.5-1g are a safe option for some social fun time. But be sure to do your research and experiment in a safe setting first.
Back in college, I would go to house parties and bars and do everything that everyone else was doing; the only difference is that I would have a Coke in my hand instead of a Rum & Coke.
That was (mostly) fine for me, because I never felt the temptation to drink, and the fun I derived was from the social enjoyment, not from what I was drinking.
But I've had friends who struggled with alcohol addiction, and for them, it was much more beneficial to change their scenery and get away from the parties and bars and clubs where drinking was a big part of the experience. Sometimes you also need to distance yourself from friends where your friendship really only works because you both like drinking together.
Stuff that seemed to work:
* Some people found that they could replace the fun from alcohol with adrenaline rushes, so they did things like power sports, skydiving, roller coasters, etc. But of course, those tend to be expensive ways of having fun.
* Others cultivated hobbies and then looked for social experiences that aligned with those hobbies. One guy loved pinball so he joined a pinball club in his city. Another joined an adult sports league.
* One guy I know, who also struggled with drug addiction, decided go in a different direction. He felt like he didn't want to replace one addiction with another, so instead he was determined to rewire his brain so he wasn't constantly chasing the next high. He did meditation, mindfulness, self-help exercises, therapy, etc.
I have found that I get fewer questions about my drink if I have the bartender put a lime in the Coke.
2) Get new friends (seriously). If you continue to associate with the same friends, you'll have the same problem and point of view.
3) Let yourself go through the withdrawal of the "fun"
4) Get on with life, figure out what you consider without including alcohol.
EDIT: I should have said "most recovery programs" rather than specifying 12 step. Please ignore the 12 step part and realize that I'm advising staying away from the people who are part of the OP's problem.
Cutting ties doesn't have to be all or nothing, and it doesn't have to be everyone in that group. If you and a friend are both serious about quitting alcohol, they might be your best ally in quitting.
12 step programs are a lie, they just isolate people, make them annihilate themselves all for the purpose of then assuming a higher power has to save them from themselves, after which they either fail or become converted to the religion that hosts the current incarnation of the program.
There is a minority of modified programs that don't do that, but the classic one is not that.
That said, if it 'works' for someone that's great, but if it is just replacing one thing with another, it's just a sidestep and not an improvement (except for bystanders who only 'see' things as a third party and because it 'looks' better they think it therefore must be better).
In addition, removing the source of the problem (i.e. friends that cause you to drink) can help, but not as a universal solution. If people have such a degree of control over your actions, it's going to be more than just the friends that drink that can cause the problem.
There are however, a whole lot of other options that are not religious conversion that have good (and measurable) results. As soon as someone recognises they have a problem they need help solving and actually want to solve it, that's when you can actually get somewhere.
In most groups I've seen, there's really only one person who is the heavy drinker, and they bring everyone else along.
I’m currently doing a dry January and I still go out with my friends. There’s plenty of tasty non-alcoholic beverages.
"How do you have fun without alcohol?"
Being sober and being around drunks is never really all that fun, imo.
A more realistic first step would be to stop hanging out with your alcoholic friends, or at least trying to set very clear boundaries with them so that you avoid situations where you're encouraged or pressured to drink. This might not be possible, in which case you'll have to make some tough decisions about who you allow to stay in your life.
Either way, consider expanding your social circle to include people who don't drink. That group might include people who are sober or trying to achieve sobriety.
Once you're in the right environments and around the right people, it will be easier to find alcohol-free activities that you enjoy.
Day is easier than night. Coffee shops are often open at night and not focused on drinking.
I find it easier to stop at zero drinks than at one. And I find it easier to defer a drink than to turn one down (even to myself). "I'll have this seltzer first, and if I still want a drink afterwards, I can have it then".
Your situation might be mostly social, but if you want something that's nice to drink and 0ABV: seltzer + bitters
Any social activity where you get to do stuff with people us good. I like the following:
- Hikes, or outdoor exploration generally
- Renting kayaks (also a really Covid safe social activity)
- Checking out weird quirky museums - see my notes on https://wwww.niche-museums.com
- Going to things like the Alameda antiques fair
It’s hard, everyone who has found a way out can try to explain but ultimately it’s a personal choice which involves lots of foresight and discipline… and/or hitting rock bottom.
Best of luck. It may help to itemize all the short/mid/long term negative effects and try to internalize them so you “feel” the loss each time you decide to drink.
Is this your excuse too? If not, then why do you drink? What is the rationale?
I only ask because I've walked the same path and came to some startling conclusions about myself. Since then, I stopped drinking with friends and will only drink with people I trust.
I have friends that have groups like this. They joined frats in college and still hang out with their frat bros regularly, drinking almost every weekend. I join on occasion, but I'm not on their "call list" or whatever when they start making plans for parties. I don't mind.
But what I do notice is that when they really need help, want to do something sober, or experience something new, I'm always on the list. I feel like I'm a friend to them when a friend is what they need. But their party friends are a totally different group.
To answer your question though I do all the normal stuff everyone else does just without the alcohol. I still went to the pub with new friends and colleagues. I just didn’t drink alcohol. Sure it was a bit odd at first, more so for others than me I think. But it soon became normal and I had just as much fun as I did before but without feeling crap the next morning.
You mention your friends are alcoholics. If that is true I would probably suggest finding new friends as it sounds like they’re just a big of an issue on your desensitisation of fun as alcohol is.
I don’t like to drink because it becomes boring. I do it for social reasons but I find I don’t enjoy myself with people who do it a lot.
If you are actually alcoholic, go get professional help. It’s a serious disease. If you use the term colloquially as a synonym for “drink too often” then just take a break from going out with that circle of friends to break the habit.
1. You need new friends. Sadly. 2. Having fun without alcohol is very very different. There's not much of that mad frantic whirl of everything, things are much more clear... it feels a lot like social media withdrawal. 3. My biggest challenge after quitting alcohol was finding new, healthier ways of emotional regulation. It's a lot of work, but worth it.
If anyone asks why you aren’t drinking just tell them you are just having fun (“goofing”). Internalize a story about yourself that let’s you play without needing alcohol.
I really enjoyed improv because that’s sort of how they led. People are stiff and need an excuse to be playful. Most use alcohol as permission but you don’t need to.
If your friends keep peer pressuring you to drink, consider changing what environment you guys are in as perhaps it’s the same old environment leading to the same old desires.
Hope this helps internet friend!
1) Focus on good conversations and not drinks (you can get high from a good talk)
2) Excercise! A lot!
3) Focus on the music and dancing and not the bar
4) If people pressure you to drink, day you will do later ( they will forget anyways) or say you the driver
5) Have a sober partner
6) celebrate each Sunday not hungover with sports, sex or what you enjoy
7) If you are drinking to go away from problems consult a therapist
8) Try microdosing if you need extra serotonin but no hangover (warning not a medical advice, experience needed and emotional health)
9) Listen to heart what brings you long-term joy
10) Focus on nutrition often people drink when they are hungry or you get upset because you are hungry after 7 h while everyone has beer
Where do you find this. Bars provide me with a building full of people who are likely more sociable and open to talking with randos at the time, though the conversations tend to be dumbed down a bit. The disinhibition is powerful.
The only other places I have “good conversations” these days are in niche online spaces, with people I won’t find irl.
If you're not in college, any course with content to study where you see the same people multiple times in-person is a good place to meet people interested in talking. If you're not sure what interests you, check out the continuing education catalog of your local community college. If you don't have much practice striking up conversations with sober strangers, it may take a few sessions before spontaneous conversations start up, but by the midway point of every wilderness or language course I've taken people were very chatty.
Sure, I was not always in the mood for that, and I would do something else alone or with other people, and I was ok with that. But I when I went out with them for a drink, I knew I would have to be in that mood.
I have the impression that in the US it takes some effort to say you are not judging people who drink when you say you do not drink. That you are not putting yourself as not part of their tribe. The peer pressure seems to be higher. For me this came naturally, as we were friends from other environments not only bars. We would all hang out sober as well.
If you never ever hang out sober, that might the signal of a problem. A drinking problem for them or a relationship problem for all. If you can’t have a good time at all at moments without alcohol, maybe the friendship is not a good fit for any involved and alcohol is just masking this.
I drink, but alcohol makes me feel terrible so I don't drink nearly as much or as often as many of my friends. But I still hang out with them and we still have a good time. It's not that big of a deal.
Alcohol is a quick dopamine hit and a signal that fun is about to happen. But, really, what are you doing /during/ the fun? Talking with friends. Playing games. Doing recreational activities. Eating a good meal. Taking your mind off the troubles of the day. That's the core. That's the fun.
The dopamine of the core fun is going to take a little more time to hit, that's all. You have to be patient when you do those core fun activities for that to happen. And it will.
You have to retrain yourself. Nothing more, nothing less.
To help yourself along you can pick a new trigger; a signal to yourself to get into fun mode. Pop a tic-tac. Repeat a mantra three times in your head 'work hard, play hard'. Whatever. But do it consistently and don't do anything you wouldn't do while drinking (like ruminating over work or actually getting back to work). You'll break the spell!
This is all assuming you're not an alcoholic and actually physically dependent on alcohol. (Cravings, self destructive behavior, compulsion to drink, agitation when not drinking etc) If that's the case you'll need some sort of treatment and quickly. And you will probably have to remove yourself from situations where you might relapse. I've seen alcoholism absolutely destroy people and it's not something to tackle by yourself.
The most important thing for me in finding "fun" again and filling that void, was to come to terms with why I drank, and that was to be a "different person", for me anyways.
Except I am that person, I just found it difficult to live, and alcohol helped ease that, made me feel confident, etc. Now that I don't drink I see it for what it is. I can indeed be that person without booze, I just need to learn more about... I guess who I am, and how to "channel" that person, the first step in that was stopping drinking, you literally cannot do that self discover otherwise. On the other fronts, after I stopped I continued to go out and hang out with drunk people (not popular advice, however it was important to me to prove to myself I had that control) - discovered 2 things: drunk people are pretty annoying, it's kinda in a way more fun watching everyone else when they're drunk. I don't really talk about it when I go out, I just go out, order diet cokes, and no one really notices or cares. However, going out in that setting is pretty infrequent now, once a month at best. The rest of the time I've spent working on me, reading a lot, learning new things, it's easy to burn 3 hours on the DW docs youtube. I also work on my relationships with others now, and I find more time to volunteer and do things for my community, it's a lot of fun! I feel an urge to drink near every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, if I walk by a wine store the feeling I get is hard to describe, spending time thinking about what the reward you're going to get, and then applying that to something else, helped me immensely find new fun things to do.
Do I miss going out and getting drunk with my friends who regularly go out and get drunk: sometimes.
Has it been difficult finding new friends, especially later in life: yes.
Do I have fun and enjoy life more without alcohol: absolutely.
This doc is really really really good: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RX2opvj7WE8
Dating and sex also don't have to involve alcohol and are fun activities as well.
Better to get on these things now while you're 23, rather than 33 or 43.
These probably aren't things that will work for you, but they work for me, since you asked :P
Now we game together (both video and board), hike together, camp together, ski together, have heart to hearts together, etc.
Just take the activities you do now and start removing alcohol. What you are going through now is exactly what I did at your age. I just removed alcohol and others will likely reduce over time too.
I used to host happy hours to meet new friends and just wouldn't drink at them. You can do all the same things you do now without alcohol.
Go cycling, rafting, build stuff, etc. One way I've participated in many large parties and events is by "working" them. So if I'm running around with heavy equipment or driving things or doing something I can't do while drinking, then I won't drink.
I think people end up drinking because the activities they're doing are kindof boring. Sitting in a bar is pretty boring, board games are extremely boring.
But then on the other hand: drinking alcohol is a lot of fun. So I think it's probably a lot healthier to just have a healthy relationship with it, as opposed to abstaining completely (unless there is a medical reason or something).
> I think people end up drinking because the activities they're doing are kindof boring. Sitting in a bar is pretty boring, board games are extremely boring.
I think your underlying point of, "If you're doing things you don't like or enjoy, alcohol might make them seem more fun" is spot on. I think board games are fun with or without alcohol. The key is to find things that you enjoy doing.
Bring a friend, talk, enjoy the views, bring headphones/speaker to listen to music/podcast/audiobook. The US is full of awesome trails and parks. The great thing about a hike is you can go for as long as you want or you can set a goal of reaching certain distances or destinations. Being outside is a great way to take a breath, get some fresh air & sunshine, and even meet other people on the trail (if they're willing to talk - I find people are super friendly on trails 90% of the time). After enough small hikes you'll probably want to take longer hikes, spend the night on the trail, and see grand views. This is motivation to plan a fun trip somewhere - most everyone wants to take a cool trip in nature!
Any outdoor activity really is great. Sports or even more leisurely activities such as kite flying, carving, gardening, all present great options.
If stuck indoors, invite people over and cook for them. Tell them you'll provide the food if they provide the company. Cooking is great because it involves creativity, planning, activity, and a tangible final result that can be eaten.
Reading is lovely - become okay with being by yourself, or start a book club where you either meet to discuss or read aloud to one another/listen to an audiobook. Do a puzzle, coloring pages, or something else with your hands while listening to an audiobook.
From time to time I went through phases where I challenged myself to just cut booze completely for a month. Often I liked how I felt at the end of the month, so it would roll for a few more weeks, until (usually something like) I was having dinner with someone and thought "I'll have a glass of wine".
Assuming you have no actual addiction to alcohol, it felt to me like I couldn't have fun for about 2 weeks, especially if everyone else was drinking. Then I realised that I could have fun and I was just self conscious. And then I'd either let myself go a bit and enjoy the evening, or realise that really drunk people are borderline intolerable and go home. Either way worked and no one cares in the morning.
Basically what I'm saying is you don't need to 'replace' anything, you just need to power through with not drinking for a few weeks - if you're used to doing something - going out and drinking, then going out without drinking will feel weird so you have to learn to enjoy it differently.
As an aside, "I'm on antibiotics so I can't drink but still wanted to come out" is an easy get out clause in the first few weeks if your friends are hassling you to 'get on it'.
Look for activities that alcohol would get in the way of, and find something you like. Could be video games, sports / exercise, sex, reading, driving around, or other hobbies. To some extent, its harder work to find something that requires as little effort to be fun as just drinking, but there are lots of things you can't enjoy when drinking / drunk, so focus on those.
Frankly no piece of advice here will help you. Each to their own, as life is varied and rich for each, alone, as they see it.
What will help you, is making the choice that the person you were when drinking is not the person you will be today. If you have fucked up badly while drunk; that memory, if you have it, is the most powerful reminder you can carry. Don't be that guy again. Then it will begin to fall into place; you will become that man that lives life. Its not fun. Don't expect to start having fun any time soon either. You literally have to fight your own brain and wiring. You're going to have to treat yourself like a naughty kid who needs to be reprimanded often, to stay away from the pit.
You will lose a lot of friends, but friends aren't made at bars. Fun is who you are, not what you do. Life is going to happen with or without you, so make sure you are present when it does. Eventually you replace the thing you revere now, with a reverence for life, and that is where the greatest fun lies.
I have been to parties where someone brought a bottle of some health drink like kombucha. A lot of bars also make fancy virgin drinks. You can also get non-alcoholic beers.
As for non-alcoholic fun:
1. You can join or start a running club. After running we used to hangout in a pub. A few people drank, most just ate food.
2. Join rock climbing, hiking, kayaking, stand up paddle, or other such groups. In my experience though, drinking is big in such groups but they don't pressure anyone.
3. Food/restaurants instead of bars. Drinkers can still drink and non-drinkers can enjoy food.
4. Dog parks. There are some fun dog parks with restaurants, coffeeshops, and bars. Everytime I take my dog there, I meet new people.
5. Coffee shops. For more low key fun especially if you are bored at home. I had a few coffee shops that were my homebase. There were other regulars, and it was easy to start conversation with them.
Now that I have kids, we just hang out in parks or town center/shopping center areas. They usually have an area where kids can run around. A lot of parents grab a drink or coffee while they hangout with adults. I see a lot of young people hanging out there too.
Trust me I’ve been there in Cape Town (was in a grunge band) and London (hard working hard partying tech crowd). I had ambitions to sit in a room and code and couldn’t do that because I was surrounded by party animals all the time and could not get away from them. I eventually met a girl who was intensely cerebral, smart and hard working, and she inspired and enables me to focus on being a geek. We left London together, moved to the States and built several startups together. We run a 40 person cybersecurity company these days that’s quite well known. I’m ceo and she’s COO and CFO and still smarter and harder working than me. We’re also married and still very much in love.
I’m still in touch with many of my old buddies and some of them also made something of their lives. One who I chatted to this morning runs a big software business and is also a very famous musician. Others went off the rails, ended up in rehab and in some cases found religion which seems to have helped.
What I’ve discovered is that life is very short, if you are smart and capable and apply yourself it can provide amazing experiences far beyond what alcohol or drugs can provide, and if you blink you’ll miss out on those opportunities. There are many other people out there living lives with their eyes wide open who you’ll have incredible experiences with if you break your current cycle.
Find new friends.
Having fun without alcohol requires you to challenge your social anxiety and express the opinions and thoughts you're holding back. It's this suppression that's causing you to not have fun. Just express it, don't suppress it.
First to know, you won't be alone. There are groups to reach out to, if you want... but you don't have to. A lot can be done online. Virtual chats sometimes make people more comfortable, should you want to go that route - if you think you're an actual alcoholic and not an "alcoholic" (if that distinction makes sense).
Second, as has been suggested, you need to get a new hang out crowd. You're hanging out with a bunch of people who center around drinking. I've done it, and I drank - and I didn't even like drinking that much; was never that good at it. The hangovers were BRUTAL. I just drink diet cokes now, when I hang out with people who are drinking. I'm not an alcoholic, I just don't like drinking =/ It's poison to a lot of people for a lot of reasons.
As for meeting people, I'd suggest (and this might be a HORRIBLE idea - I'm older, so translate it into 23) get on a dating app and put in your profile that you don't drink and would like someone who doesn't want to drink. Then, when you have one other person, the two of you can find another person or two who don't drunk, and so on and so forth. Chip away at the problem and build up a friend group, one or two people at a time, just like you would solve a coding problem.
In reading my answer, I may know why I only have a few very good, very nerdy friends =)
I'd recommend going to AA meetings. AA has a vibrant network of people dedicated to not drinking meeting everyday all around the world. If you don't like the first meeting try a different one, they vary widely.
Find other indulgent drinks to enjoy, ginger beer is a fun one that is widely available.
Tell friends you "don't drink" once, if they need to be told more than once they aren't your friend.
Much of the physiological drive to drink is literally based on thirst, so keep yourself super hydrated at all times. Being hydrated also dilutes your stress hormone (cortisol).
Exercise more, if you stop chronic drinking provided you're otherwise healthy you should start to feel much more energetic in a few weeks. Use that energy to improve your body and mind with rigorous exercise. This will help you look better, feel better about yourself and gives you a reason not to drink. A hard workout gives a feeling really similar to drinking but entirely healthy and natural. The more you look like a serious fit athlete the more people will easily accept it when you pass on drinks.
Crossfit gyms are a great place to make friends with healthier people.
Good luck!
Try occasionally taking time off from it. Have a week where you don't drink at all, then allow yourself to drink moderately, and repeat. Perhaps you can go even longer than a week. That way life without alcohol stays familiar.
In terms of fun without it, if you think you can't have fun without alcohol, that may mean you just don't know what's fun for you yet. Try participating in different activities, including things you think you won't like, and maybe you'll stumble across something you'll enjoy.
I think one's relationship with alcohol is much healthier when there's an alternative source of pleasure.
Oh yeah, and as others here have stated, find a different friend group to branch off to. It's not that you need to completely abandon your current friends, but our social groups really determine a lot in how we feel and behave because we all have a need to blend in and be a part of one. Maybe you can have you "alcohol friends", and then your friends for other things. If there can be some overlap there then great, but if your goal is to have fun without alcohol then you need to be around others on the same page as you.
Lots of people enjoy sports (watching and playing), video games, hiking, puzzles, board games, and movies without alcohol or at least alcoholism. It's possible to find others to do those things with over the internet, but don't let yourself think there's nobody to do them with IRL, as hard as that can be right now.
I distinctly remember a situation where we were out drinking at a bar and an acquaintance of one of the drinkers joined us. They refrained from drinking and socialized with us sober. After they left, I remember remarking to my friends how "people who don't drink make me nervous".
Almost instantly I realized how bizarre that statement was and how much it said about the point I had reached with drinking. It's always stuck with me.
After a number of incidents and wakeup calls, I reduced my drinking considerably over time.
I still drink, but I drink a lot less. And one way I've defined success in controlling that drinking is that it is no longer an "absolute requirement". I'm happy to be around people who aren't drinking, and happy to not be drinking myself. There's empowerment to going to a social event, making the decision not to drink and being perfectly content with that decision!
I've also learned to be happy feeling healthy. I never felt good when I was drinking. My body wasn't happy with me. I love now being able to go home after a social engagement and wake up the following day feeling refreshed because I didn't have 5+ pints the night before.
The point I hope to make with this, is that in your current state it seems like there is no fun without alcohol. But nothing could be further from the truth. You are trapped in a mental model driven by your alcohol habits and if you give it a chance, you will notice that you can be happy and fulfilled without drinking.
The question is really how to exist in that environment in a healthy way.
Most straightforward path is make new friends and take on responsibility that precludes tons of drinking.
If you yourself have become dependent on alcohol (ie if your body is physically uncomfortable unless you have a buzz) then you should nip that in the bud. As you get older and grow up you’ll see more of your peers make lifestyle decisions they find helpful.
A wholesome activity loved by many are board games. People will drink there, but getting drunk isn’t the point in the way it is when you’re partying or going to bars.
#1 advice assuming you’re not already wealthy is to get rich. The time component of compounding market gains is so powerful it is really critical to understand and exploit from when you’re young.
Typically drinking a lot will make it a lot harder to put the thought and work in to do more than coast.
If you can get obsessed with reaching financial independence, it’s the most rewarding “hobby” to master, and it will inject itself as an enjoyable priority into many aspects of your life.
Disclaimer: Me and my friends are non-alcoholic. We only drank once or twice and have all swore off on alcohol. It's too costly, absolutely foul tasting, and didn't even bring us high.
The first question to ask though, is if your friends also want to have fun without alcohol or not. It is very difficult to leave habits. 10x more if you do it alone. Strangers / new friends can help but having your current friends there with you would be the best.
But if they don't want to quit / control alcohol, then it would be better to leave them or at least limit your interaction with them.
You will need someone / something that can remind you and bring you back whenever you start to drift towards alcohol. So definitely get some new friends too.
As for what fun activity you can do, do whatever you usually do. If you can't think of something that can take up time without alcohol, then just go walks or something. Maybe dance. Or play video games.
It's a very big world out there. Get out there, look for what draws your interest, then do that thing with other people that like to do that thing. That will probably lead to new friends, unless your drinking friends have the same non-drinking interests that you develop.
I also highly recommend some therapy. Find out why you were drinking instead of doing all those other fun things.
Oh, and if you continue to drink, drink better alcohol. It costs more money and it's harder to find, and it tastes better, so you savor it and don't look to get drunk. A lot of the time now I just drink water if I can't find a drink I like. Not gonna waste my money on shitty booze that's bad for me anyway.
How do I have fun (with friends) now? Activities! Mountain biking, Hiking, Watching a movie (yeah we have some beers), DnD, roller skating, go for a weekend into the mountains, 4x4 driving... Etc.
When I was 23 I also had 2 groups of friends, drinkers indeed, but also the sporty types, we did many things, snowboarding, swimming, walking on the beach during the night. Always something challenging. That was a nice group, I wish for my kids (and you!) to find similar groups.
Maybe find new friends, these ones will drag you down, hold you back. Find a team sport? Easier said than done, I never did it consciously, my sporty group of friends formed spontaneously because we were the only guys doing gymnastics (ironically not a team sport), we stuck together though and now, after 30 years (and I quite gymnastics some 10 years ago) they are still close friends who do sporty things together. But we also like a beer or 2.
As you get a little bit older you'll see alcohol consumption in your social circles will naturally wind down to something more reasonable as people start to accumulate more responsibility and hangovers seem to do a bit more damage than they used to.
But honestly, unless alcohol is severely affecting your life, I wouldn't worry about it. I hardly drink now in my 30s but in my 20s I'll admit I had to call into a work a handful of times over the years because I had over-imbibed on a weeknight.
Then the fun will pop up in unexpected places.
Alcohol give use the pleasure of accomplishment without doing work, look if you need a big goal to give you direction in life.
Do you have a career plan, house, wife, kids ? At your age it’s time to get started.
I honestly don't know what to tell you. Life is quite boring in general (work, home, prepare house work, cook, sleep, and if you are lucky you have a few hours for a hobby), and alcohol made the time go much faster. Meals are also more 'boring' without a nice glass of wine or beer to go with it.
The few times I was ok without drinking at all (as I am now), I basically focus on sports. That is probably the only thing I still find interesting and do fully sober. All my free time as I can, I use it to train, sometimes 3 hours, sometimes 6 hours a day.
TV, reading, woodworking even trying to code for fun always lead me to want to have a beer or wine with it, sports and competition doesn't.
No clue if it will help you, but try it and see.
Make a few choices or answers available for yourself first;
- Do *I* want to drink
- Am I actually having fun while drinking
- Are there other things I could be doing
If you are just idling by when drinking doing or joining whatever is happening around you (autopilot essentially) then you might feel uninhibited, comfortable or part of a group, but is that really the same as fun?
If there are other things you could be doing but you're constantly drawn to drinking with your friends, you could still be doing those other things; the attraction to what you already know doesn't have to eliminate everything else.
Even if you can't get any definitive answers for yourself, just thinking about it (like you probably did when asking this question) can be enough to start finding help. And help doesn't have some universal definition or steps to take. It doesn't have to be big or a complete plan either, just a starting point, an ignition to do something about a situation you don't like is all it takes to help yourself.
For a less vague comment, information on your social context would be needed like what governmental or non-profit options are available where you live, or if you have the means, private options as well.
If you live in a country with universal healthcare you're probably going to have a very easy to try starting point: your General Practitioner or Family Doctor. If needed, write down your issue, and desired to do something about it and make an appointment. They won't be able to magically cure you or something like that but they will know who you can go to for help. Sometimes even the nursing or assisting staff and maybe even the reception will have general information available as well if you feel like asking a doctor is too big of a step.
My advice: quit drinking, deal with the boredom for awhile, find new friends, and do it sooner rather than later, there's a lot of fun out in the world that you're missing out on by just drinking all the time.
Also, I now suffer from permanent health issues due to my past drinking. I only drank socially, and I quit at 29! Don't believe the myth that alcohol isn't harmful. That's a recipe for having less fun in the future.
I'd recommend looking at ways to have social events where people can still drink but the focus of the event is something else. The long-term goal here is that eventually you can do this events where alcohol is optional and not required for a good time.
In this case I recommend board games. It something that worked for me without realizing it. I play games such as Settlers of Catan, Azul, D&D/AD&D, etc.
I think what I am suggesting is: find activities where alcohol is unnecessary or secondary - but not the purpose of the event.
One last point: I live in NYC and have been going more to Alamo Drafthouse to see more movies. They serve beer etc. so I have an option but I'm never inclined to have more than one.
After that, for fun, I basically would go to all the same places, bars, parties etc with the same friends and I'd just drink water; they'd be drinking booze. That's what I did for three years.
After about three years, I traveled abroad and I wanted to take in the full experience so I started drinking again.
Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stop drinking for a bit; it's a fun experiment.
If you're instead asking what other illicit substance you can substitute alcohol for while your friends are all drinking, that's different.
My favorite for that is MDMA. It's an empathogen so it helps you open up in conversations and form deeper connections with people. It's also an amphetamine so you'll be able to stay awake and keep up with your friends as they do the drunk thing.
MDMA should be a substitute for drinking. Not a supplement to it. It also comes with it's own set of risks and constraints that you should get intimately familiar with if you want to do it with any regularity.
I do it maybe a couple days a year for special occasions or if I really want to go hard at a club/event, but I would be very worried about it's neurotoxic profile if I did it regularly.
Probably an unpopular opinion but cocaine is a lot safer for regular use, atleast when it comes to neurotoxicity. Addiction profile is definitely higher than MDMA though anecdotally speaking such a problem has not been an issue with me or any of my friends (really the only drugs I've seen people really seriously struggle with is opiates).
You didn't always have access to alcohol. Ask yourself, how did you have fun before you started drinking? What of those things still sounds fun to you? Are your current set of friends the type of people that will do those things with you without alcohol?
EDIT: In the US, recovery and rehab centers are virtually unregulated. Many are known for being terrible and being scams. I have none to recommend. See a reputable doctor on how to recover. Consider getting a second and third opinion if they recommend a recovery/rehab center.
My advice is honestly to just keep drinking with your friends but keep yourself to a couple drinks max. You can still go out with your friends and play darts, but you won’t be useless the next day. Nobody will care. Get a sprite after you’ve hit your limit. Don’t abandon your friends over alcohol unless you really have a problem and are day drinking.
If you try this and can’t do it, then you need to reach for nuclear options like moving away from your friends. But don’t reach for that first.
Is it that your social life primarily revolves around partying, going to bars and clubs, etc, and you haven't really socialised with friends in a different way because that's just how you get together?
Or is it that it's impossible to feel entertained unless you're drunk?
I think the answers for either of those scenarios will be quite different, but the one thing in common is to understand what specific needs need the alcohol is satisfying (in addition to the 'fun'), so that you can explore alternatives.
You don't need to completely remove alcohol, a good first step is to have 2 glasses/bottles over a binge session so you can feel more "socially integrated".
I realise this is easier said than done but it's an attainable mindset.
To which I would now add, card, yard or other games (many, see wikipedia, but we like skipbo, five crowns, fictionary, maybe games with rook cards, croquet, etc).
I do social dance, this is an effective "replacement" for alcohol but certainly once you get good typically some subset of places that offer a venue to social dancing dohave alochol and it's considered impolite to not meet soft minimum requirements but the consumption dynamic there is not quite the same.
I find Glycine is quite good at making me laugh my face off, I just swapped sugar for glycine. It helps break down Cortisol, a stress hormone, very quickly which is why I laugh so much, more so in stressful situations so you might come across as a bit of a nutter!
Without knowing what you've tried and why it didn't work no one can really give you any effective advice. They might just be suggesting approaches you've tried and not succeeded with.
Talk to a pro (your doctor, a therapist, an addiction counsellor, etc).
This may sound a non-sequitur, but the straightest answer is, the same way I have fun without Cocaine, or Diamonds, or Cigarettes, or Thongs, or Graphene or a Learjet or... any number of random things and chemicals. I don't mean that flippantly, I just mean it succinctly and bluntly: I live my life and do things. Alcohol is simply not a precursor or requirement for me to do any of the things I enjoy - Video Games, Board Games, Card Games, Car Rallying/Racing, Photography, Guitar, Synthesizers, reading, chatting with friends, dinners, watching TV/Movies, walking through the city, flying, astronomy, traveling, eating, and doing any number of pointless and nerdy things with various computing devices around :D
FWIW I'm also an "introvert with social skills" in the sense that contact with groups of people, even friends, eventually drains me of energy; and I'm particularly uncomfortable in new situations with large number of strangers; but alcohol has never been the stereotypical solution there either - it makes me tighten up and grasp for control rather than loosen. Therefore, I occasionally drink WHEN I'm relaxed, not TO relax.
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Deeper answer to what I think is your underlying ask:
Honestly - list or find things you enjoy doing; and find people who enjoy doing them but don't see alcohol as some mandatory precursor to enjoying them. It sounds like you may be surrounded by people for whom alcohol is means, method AND goal, so they may not be able to support you in finding fun and enjoyment in activities without alcohol. COVID makes it harder to find in-person groups, but historically things as cheesy as Meetup or a local shop that supports activities - be it a sports shop that has rock climbing nights or a comic shop that has magic the gathering nights or WHATEVER - and try to do some interesting sounding things that don't involve alcohol. It's both devilishly hard if you have an addiction, and extremely easy if / once you don't.
You don't necessarily need to break ties and never see your group of friends again; but it sounds like you would benefit from a supportive group that can have fun without alcohol and show you how to have fun without alcohol, better than us on the interwebs can convince you :). Depending on how deep your enjoyment of alcohol is though, you may need additional formal or informal help - it's great you have a goal, don't underestimate the challenges that may lie in front of you, Good luck! <3
Either that's extremely bad or they just really like to have a drink and you're not a fan of drinking.
From the UK that sounds like normal hanging out with people who have been able to drink for 2 years, it's still novel and they will probably do it a lot for the next few years.
I didn't really drink at your age and that's what I did for fun.
Games (video games, board games, ttrpgs, etc), books, climbing, etc!
Just because I can be responsible doesn't mean I had to lose the ability to enjoy things like a child would. Just.. a little more mature.
Buy a sword and a bunch of watermelon and have a real life fruit ninja cookout!
Be silly and embrace it!
I still hung out with my friends who drank, but I would always order/make coffee and they all respected that and never gave me any flak. Generally, it's suggested that you find a new group of friends. If your friends can't deal with you drinking non-alcohol, then find a new group.
Four years later, I'm still dry and still want to drink every day. It's easier, but the temptation is ever-present.
Best of luck
One thing I have anecdotally noticed is there are some parts of the US that are much more oriented towards drinking than others, such as NYC.
I ended up into outdoor solo sports [Mountain Biking, Snowboarding, and Skateboarding].
Side note: As a result, I got better friends that were into outdoor activities.
If you're a sensation-chaser, spend time on rivers or on skis.
Give a few new hobbies a try; it is okay to be a complete beginner at stuff. Learning is fun.
Understanding this before 30 is a super power.
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately..." - Henry David Thoreau
From there, you go have fun. Shortly you begin to wonder why people think drinking is tied to fun at all.
- Learn badminton or volleyball or any group sport.
- Play regularly with the group
- Have a lot of sport/get tired/have tournaments internally within your group
No alcohol (or friends) required.
I miss the days when couples would pay board cards / cards at someone home.
you admit surrounding yourself with alcoholics
undo that by pressing CMD+Z
Also, stop trying to diagnose your friends. Friends don't diagnose friends.
When I hear people ask about fun without alcohol it isn't that just drinking is fun for them but makes whatever they engage in during/after fun or more fun.
I mostly do gaming, solo or with my friends, spend my time with girlfriend doing all sort of stuff, or spend time with friends or family.
Also have 3 cats and I have a lot of fun playing with them.
Honestly I never rarely see my friends without drinking: I'm just not particularly interested in socializing unless I'm buzzed. But it works out great, I drink one night a week and hang out with people and then am not distracted the rest of the week and can work.