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Comment by acdha | Hacker News Reader

It's a combination of several factors: American kids foods tend to be heavily processed and run to sweet, which will set the baseline if you let it, and there's this widespread belief that children won't eat grownup food so you should offer something else.

We only offer what we're eating and, unsurprisingly, he has learned that as normal. That doesn't mean he eats everything — bitter flavors really are a learned taste — but he'll eat enough of it to get proper nutrition and understands that rejecting dinner means getting a second pass later rather than something else. We're also not monsters so there's always some high-probability staple in the meal so it might be that e.g. he eats the fish and sweet potatoes/kale chips but not the squash, which is acceptable. There are also some amusing outcomes: I haven't had asparagus tips in a year or two because he eats those happily but not the base.

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> children won't eat grownup food so you should offer something else.

Having grown up in an immigrant household where the children’s plate is just a smaller version of the adult plate, is this a thing in American households? The kids eat an entirely separate meal-course from the adults?

I know baby food is processed but once a kid gets teeth, they’re just given what the adults eat.

My grandmother would have banish from the table if I had ever even dared to ask to eat something separate.

Very much yes: like you'll have a meal with normal food and someone will make a batch of Kraft mac-and-cheese without even offering them what everyone else is eating. I can understand the appeal of not fighting about it but that problem only gets worse the longer it runs.

Speaking for myself (American/Midwest), I've never seen nor experienced children getting a separate menu than the adults.

Well, except for eating out, I guess. And even then an adult sharing with a child is not that rare.

I am genuinely confused by this phrasing. Are you saying that there are many situations where children and adults are receiving menus for food but are not “eating out”?

Menu also means the foods served at a meal.

There are alot of people who basically eat out every meal. That's why every time there is a snowstorm, the bread is always gone. Those people only know how to make sandwiches.

That's what kids' menus are at restaurants. Spaghetti & meatballs, chicken fingers, mac 'n cheese, pizza, sometimes fish & chips. The same staple foods that basically all kids will eat, as a separate meal course.

My wife grew up in an immigrant family, I grew up in a half-immigrant (but largely Americanized) family. This was an element of culture shock for her. In American culture the norm is that everybody eats whatever they want to eat, and it's considered rude (sometimes even abusive) to try and control someone's food. We have obesity & diabetes rates to match. In most immigrant cultures food is considered a communal experience, where set dishes are put out on the table and it's considered rude to decline or ask for something different. You see this in restaurant customs as well, where servers at American restaurants will come around and ask each person (even the kids) what they want and then bring out individual plates, while in say Chinese restaurants the servers will go to the oldest male at the table, ask for the order, and then bring dishes out family style for everyone to eat.

It's extremely difficult to raise kids against the culture they're immersed in. Our infant will eat anything - even broccoli, celery, carrots, etc. Our 3-year-old will only eat dino nuggets, or on rare occasions, noodles or rice. When our 3-year-old was an infant, he ate everything too. But he gets snacks, occasionally lunch, and occasionally parties outside the home, and in the course of that, discovers that he really likes spaghetti, dino nuggets, and PB&J sandwiches. Hence, that is now his meal, and he knows that it is possible to have them, and he won't eat anything else when placed in front of him, even things he previously enjoyed.

(I suppose we could just not buy dino nuggets and he'd be fine; he's been fine whenever we run out and I explain that we just don't have any. But it's just not that important to me. Like I said, in American culture, the norm is that if you have the means to make yourself or your family happy, you should do it, and it's not that hard to get a 5 lb bag of dino nuggets from Costco when we go.)

I spent about 4 months in total in the US as a child, visiting relatives and doing road trips.

I remember several restaurant visits. I was old enough (12-17) to order from the adult menu without comment in most cases, although in a fancy place I did have all the waitresses coming to look at me eat snails.

Elsewhere, waiters sometimes said "are you sure he/she will eat that?" when my younger siblings made their choices, or "I see you guys really are from Europe, American kids don't eat XYZ".

(I have eaten chicken/turkey nuggets perhaps 3 or 4 times in my life. From 2005, many schools in Britain were banned or limited from serving them [1]. Sodas are also banned.)

[1] https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/school-food-stand...

> Like I said, in American culture, the norm is that if you have the means to make yourself or your family happy, you should do it.

That's kind of a bullshit cop-out. Way too vague and general to be a "norm". I make my family happy by helping lower their risk of diabetes and heart failure, so I guess I do subscribe to it. (I'm not directly knocking your choice to feed dino nuggets) but I think your general point is a bit shitty. I have many friends and close extended family that have successfully raised their children vegetarian or vegan - I don't care to do that but I am pretty strict about food choices in young children - it usually sets them up better even in the teen year as I have seen 1st and 2nd hand. It can be challenging - but extremely difficult is hyperbole. Young children get the vast vast majority of their food from home, one birthday party isn't going to force themselves to go on a hunger strike and starve to death. A daycare should be respecting dietary restrictions especially if you're providing the food.

> Like I said, in American culture, the norm is that if you have the means to make yourself or your family happy, you should do it, and it's not that hard to get a 5 lb bag of dino nuggets from Costco when we go.

That is a perfect example explaining the huge problems with (child and adult) obesity and all the health-related problems originating from it, which are also very much "the norm" in American culture.

"Let's optimize for short-term happiness! The only reason why you maybe shouldn't do that in a particular occasion is because you lack the money!"

With the same reasoning you should also probably buy and take crystal meth if you can afford it. It's definitely a powerful boost for happiness, you can make the whole family happy as never before with just one small lump of the stuff!

As a first generation immigrant to the US, this is something which bemused me. When I was a kid if I refused to eat veggies, I know my Mom would kick me off the dining table.

In my home, we are trying to instill a little bit of that. Veggies, meat and carbs first. Then fruits and on occasion dessert. My kid knows if he wants fruits (he loves fruit) / dessert, he needs to finish his veggies. Meat and carbs we don't insist too much. My kid eats a no-spice version of what the adults eat. This is mostly cause his day care provides bland food and his taste buds are too sensitive.

My observation of my friends (mostly SF bay area) is it's about 50/50. I'd like to think that it's my brilliant parenting that we have a one-meal family, but our 4yo has always been very food-motivated. Without getting too much into the nature/nurture debate, I'm willing to accept there's plenty of both, and I try not to judge my friends who make separate meals for their kids.

That said, kiddo doesn't like shrimp (yet!), and I love shrimp, so on shrimp nights he gets something else.

Ours also doesn’t like shrimp. We always put one on the plate for him to look at, inspect, discard. As a shrimp loving dad all I can think of is: more for me!

I have an American gf and can confirm she does this. Sometimes three separate meals, one for adults and one for each kid. Apparently this is the norm in households around here.

My ex and I did not even think of doing this with our kid.

My grandmother would do more than 'banish', I'd have been sore for a day at least.

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