>I don't understand why this doesn't come up more often in all the blog posts about transitioning to/from Emacs.
Because most people who use Emacs like this behaviour.
Also considering that this post promises a relatively vanilla editing experience, you shouldn't expect a solution to your particular problem.
> And in 5 years I can't for the life of me configure this!
It is not that hard to solve this. It is extremely easy to map any key in Emacs. You can just map Tab key to insert a tab if that is what you want. It will be like two lines of elisp.
Edit: The reason most Emacs users don't find the tab behaviour a problem is: a, Emacs indents correctly more often than not and b, you can insert a literal tab character when you want using 'C-q Tab'.