I ate 8g of dried shrooms a few days ago. Once things really got going, I spent the time mostly in the dark at home focusing on whatever came to me. The intentions I set were for ego death of some kind. Much of it was spent grieving childhood trauma and the state of the world, most of which was done while singing, snorting, making other mouth noises, laughing, crying, or some combination of those. Yesterday, I realized I have preverbal trauma and most people probably do, too. Sharing this with the person I'm partnering with, who went on a mushroom journey a few weeks ago to address their own preverbal trauma, seemed to open the door for them to soften toward me. We've been going through rough times, as she slipped into a PTSD episode upon getting pregnant, it's still going on, and how she acts when triggering into her trauma matches patterns of my own trauma, so we've had a difficult time over the past 3.5 years. I haven't been very compassionate/empathetic in how I receive her and often feel confused about what to do or say. Today, that wasn't the case. We both received each other graciously (and let it go quickly when we didn't), freely offered and accepted hugs, and created a lovely little Christmas scene for the child, as well as started collaboratively designing content for santaisdeadlonglivesanta.net.
These are profound and immediate changes in my life. I look forward to what mushrooms have to further teach me.
Oh, I also had the realization that ego death doesn't need to be this cataclysmic, big, scary, break from reality thing done with eyes literally closed and that if I already carry a cosmic identity, dissolving into the cosmos provides insight that can come from reflecting on being the cosmos.
If you've read this far, do yourself a favor, look up CPTSD and preverbal trauma, and check to see if there's something you went through when little that's still alive and getting in your way.