To take it a step further, throw your phone away. I've been digital overseer/fear machine free for almost 2 years now, and can definitively say it's the best decision a person can make for their mental well being.
No, you can only definitively say it's was the best decision you made for your mental well being. With the plausible suggestion that it might be good for some others, also.
There is certainly value to resiliency and judiciously making the most advantage of each new trend in communication, however.
My view, not every relationship in the world is to be deeply meaningful or productive. I am happy if I get a nice thought or new angle from this blobs-of-text site.
For example, is it worse than watching TV/cable/netflix/gaming/multiplayer gaming/crafting hobbies/reading books etc etc?
To answer my own question, I think Social Media is worse than the other options mentioned above and so I have long drifted off FB. And most of my friends on FB are continuing longstanding relationships.
But I don't know the studies on that and I am willing to accept that different people do things differently.
For example, on this site, I like the intelligent responses, thought provoking discussions, sometimes amazing recommendations on any number of topics. But I don't feel I need to be friends with any particular individual to benefit from that nor contribute to it.
The other important difference is between using social media sites as "literature" (i.e. not interacting with it but just consuming its thought-provoking and useful content, as you mention) and as a conversational medium. The former - in the absence of obviously harmful content like people showing off and then comparing oneself to them, or outrage porn, ect - is as far as I'm aware harmless and has a similar profile to reading in general.
But the constant one-off interactions, like this? It hits different. We know that consistent interaction with the same person - even if it is light meaningless interaction - has benefit. One study that comes to mind is of the daily interaction between customer and cashier every morning at the coffee shop. Believe it or not that has a statistically significant (though by no means large) positive effect on a person's mental state. Deep personal one-off conversation in person also have a significant benefit, at least in the short term.
But this - whatever this is - generally doesn't. Of course everyone is different, and obviously not everyone uses it exactly the same way, so there are outliers. But also human beings are talented at lying to themselves about the effects of things on them, often in the direction of exaggerating or inventing a benefit (and also failing at the afore-mentioned differentiation between pleasure and happiness). That's one of the big problems that researchers in outcomes studies on any number of things have to deal with. Objective observer and close other ratings of a person's happiness after say therapy or anti-depressants are often wildly less rosy than the person's self-report. We humans are often not good at being honest with ourselves.
But you are right about the "attention economy" context. We - near worldwide it seems - have little perfected the art of leisure. Our institutions have failed us, and we in turn have created little to take the place of the old ways. Our choices are too often between similarly poor options. That's probably why work and over-work have remained as popular as it has - what lies outside of it is too often stupefying. Which is one reason why I'm here now, talking with you, embracing (or stomaching) this momentary pleasure in what is perhaps a trade-off with a bit of my happiness.
I feel we could go listing more things around social media and this post could go on forever. But I won't, because of the below.
Every person is acting in their own perceived self interest. Including me.
So for myself, because of many of the reasons you state, I largely gave up on FB. I think I am better off for it due to more meaningful real world interactions.
But then with a social group in the real world space do I need to continue adding friends all the time via HN? Not really. Cue Seinfeld "I'm sure you're a very nice person you seem to have a lot of potential, but we're just not hiring right now." Maybe I am doing myself a disservice by not "socially climbing" but honestly at some point, I can only do so much. I love the people I do, and I am content with that.
But - like the world in general - HN as a site has some amazing people. And what I glean from this site through "literature like" reading I feel benefits me.
And then, like you, I comment occasionally - in the vein of HN trying to make it a positive contribution - so as to try to return to someone else a similar benefit as I feel I have received. I try not to be trite. I try not to worry as to whether a comment is well received as long as I have tried to make a decent contribution. I don't always succeed of course, and maybe that's where the detriment sets in.
But - despite the evidence that social media is only good for pursuing deeper and more meaningful relationships - I don't feel I need to be a particular friend of yours to try add a thoughtful reply. It doesn't mean I love you any less however. Hell, maybe a meaningful relationship will develop of it's own natural accord as we both live on. But it's not my aim.
Have a great day, whether you celebrate Xmas or not.
See: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352250X2...
And: https://www.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev-psych-...
https://europepmc.org/article/ppr/ppr407158
But there are a minority of folks on either end of the spectrum. On the negative side, specific types of personalities, attachment styles, and so on can suffer significantly on the internet and especially on social media. The media loves these studies, there’s a ton and they are easily found so I’ll just refer you to scholar.
Then there are groups of people that gain from the internet. The few studies that have bothered to investigate how people use their time online and in social media in detail have found that talking to internet randos in one-off fashion does not help, but that - and I’ll quote here:
“When people use social media in a truly social manner (i.e., actively interacting with meaningful social relations in a way akin to in-person social interactions) it was positively associated with psychological well-being. We propose this is because truly social usage promotes meaningful social relations, which result in positive psychological consequences such as reinforcing one’s identity, feeling valued, and mitigating stressful situations. Yet, when people use social media in other ways (e.g., passively engaging with weakly connected others, celebrities, brands, companies, or strangers typically for entertainment purposes) it does not influence psychological well-being. Therefore, how and how much people use social media has implications for their psychological health.” (in https://www.msi.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/MSI_Report_21...)
Of course this is but one study, and an as-yet unpublished one (though it appears well-designed). A meta-analysis from 2017 using this as a frame though backs this up here: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/09637214177308... - and a more recent though poorly written one generally mirrors it: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.6787....
Another recent study - this time on the 60+ crowd - found “answering questions online were positively related to depressive symptoms” and looking at photos of non-family members on social media was associated with anxiety (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/146144482110543...)
Then there’s the work of Alexander J. A. M. van Deursen, in which he focuses on who exactly gains from their time on the internet and how - and how this in turn perpetuates inequality. You can find his work here: https://research.utwente.nl/en/persons/alexander-jam-van-deu...
But the foundation of the argument for me lies more in the research on what contributes to happiness and well-being, and which of those variables can be realistically gained from time on the internet and social media. What in the long term will make a difference in a person’s life? And invariably the most impactful outcome is the formation of an offline friendships and so-called "social capital". Which appears to generally be a rare thing - https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/1369118080263543... - though it does happen, and it seems self-disclosure is a key to that (among other things) - https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/146144481985874....
There’s more research that can be brought to bear on this, but that at least may provide a start for your own inquiry.
From what I gathered from glancing over a few of the links given, my own takeaway right now is “it’s complicated” since the effects on an individual seem to be mostly determined by the type of interaction as well as who you’re interacting with.
The thing to reflect on is who you are: You are to some extend the way others see or experience you. The way you carry yourself or present yourself depends a lot on that perception.
You've changed into an entirely different creature communicating like this. We all have! All parts of humanity have changed as a rssult with huge implications.
I suppose I wish I wanted to go back. I'm still trying to figure out where we are and where we are going with this. If I wanted to go back it would mean I had that all figured out.
We get to bring non of our expensive cloths or other status symbols to the conversation, no race, sex, age, violence, leverage or accountability.
The diffence is mind blowing.
The HN kangaroo court is already hilarious but the trial by robots is many times more commical. People now build their lives on platforms that may erase them at any moment for no reason at all.
Is everything I wrote here advertiser friendly or constructive for the HN tech crusade to progress? I've never had such constrains on my personality. A new world where being generous, kind and helpfull simply isnt enough?
I could go on for days but im going to have to attend to the push notifications now. haha
I was wondering about this recently but so far unable to unplug. Wish it was a tad easier
* Select communication channels (Slack/Signal/etc)
* Reading books offline (I download them in advance)
* Bus pass
* Flashcards
* A couple of offline ad-free games
I deny push notifications on all apps without exception. If someone needs to get hold of me, they have my number.
With this approach, I feel like my phone is a value-adding tool rather than feeling like it's tethering me to anything I don't want to be part of.
The person uses their phone for contained things that are not likely to cause a faux-social-reward-cycle.
I'm hoping going forward to have phone free weekends where I just shut the thing off and listen to a simple FM radio on my walks.
Do you have any records or writings documenting your experience?
For documenting my experiences, I have photo album on my phone. Can show it to someone physically, or send pictures on Whatsapp for example.
Works for me, anyway.
In theory with a basic phone you have some inferior options (like calling a cab company and praying until the cab arrives), but in practice the world has moved on.
When you grow up without a phone, you prepare more than you have to now. You just learn the streets so you don't need a map app. Bring a jacket in case you break down and have to walk. Carry a can of 'fix-a-flat' in the car or a plug kit to take care of flat tires.
I'm too set in my ways to change.
There is a difference, between going online conscious, when you turn on the computer - or a stressful always being half online with the phone in hand or pocket.
I have a smartphone, but I regulary have it off for longer periods. That helps.
But I'm glad your decision worked out for you :)