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Comment by deltaonefour | Hacker News Reader

Don't ever take dating advice from women. What women think they want and what they actually want are two different things.

Women find power attractive, and your confidence is a huge indicator of power. Toxic/objectifying men tend to have more confidence hence why they have more success.

You can be confident without being toxic but it really doesn't matter. If she's super into you, your objectification of her takes a far back seat and is only really a factor if she intends on marrying you.

Also this article just conveniently leaves out the importance of height and physical attractiveness. Typical for a woman to leave that out. Anyway... People who have an easy time dating also happen to be taller and physically attractive... coincidence? No.

One influences the other. You have more success if you're attractive. More success makes you more confident, which makes you more attractive.

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> Don't ever take dating advice from women. What women think they want and what they actually want are two different things.

This. When women give dating advice they imagine themselves being asked out by an attractive guy. The thing is, the same exact action yields to two drastically different reaction depending on whether she considers the guy as a potential sexual partner or not.

For example, saying a little innuendo from the attractive male will be seen as flirting. The same remark from someone she's not attracted will be labeled as sexual harassment. And this is the case with every possible action. Touching her butt? Totally ok if she's into you. Better have a good lawyer otherwise.

> What women think they want and what they actually want are two different things.

> Women find power attractive

This is peculiar because both statements are true but the first one trumps the second.

They find power attractive but they also can't approach to save their lives, so at least some minimal work still has to be done by the man, regardless of his power.

Obama in 2008 at the peak of his popularity was also a pretty tall dude with blinding white teeth and an ability to mix and match Harvard vernacular and speaking to people's hearts

Could have had any woman in America but besides hanging out in his proximity and maybe try to show off some skin, no woman in America would approach him.

That's a reason why I think those guys trying to subvert the laws of romantic approach and be chased instead of chasing are looking to become unicorns. Groupies are the only women who approach and it's a rare phenomenon limited to the music industry and movies.

>They find power attractive but they also can't approach to save their lives, so at least some minimal work still has to be done by the man, regardless of his power.

Tinder and many other similar dating apps eliminated this possibility. Pre-tinder most people had more of a chance simply by having more balls to approach. Now tinder makes it so all women can approach the GigaChad at the same time.

But they are still receptive, not pro-active.

If gigachad is messaging her then they'd shoo you away at the bar and immerse themselves in the texting, otherwise the game stays the same, they have a protective mechanism which prevent them from getting too invested if a male doesn't provide them attention (regardless of power and attractiveness and fame)

Nature installed this mechanism because even though gigachad is everything, and you are just something...it's better to get 100% of something than 0% of everything.

It goes back to the African praries where it was necessary to also secure resources and protection for pregnancy and later on, not just healthy sperm

Yes for LTR women tend to only hit slightly above there pay grade because if they hit to high the man is likely to leave for better matching prospects. Biologically, this manifests as fear to approach a unicorn.

But for a one night stand women will approach the unicorn. This is the mode groupies are sort of operating under.

> But for a one night stand women will approach the unicorn. This is the mode groupies are sort of operating under.

I have never seen this happen in real life with 0 alcohol involvement except for groupies in the music/film industry.

Most I have seen is that they try to show off and hangout in the very proximity, hoping that an organic conversation ensues, but they won't offer to buy a drink or be direct about it.

I've seen it. Tbh women who are less attractive tend to be more assertive and are the ones more likely to approach.

If the girl is like an 8 or a 9 she's never going to approach solely based off the fact that she never had to in her life.

Either way all women are swiping right only for the unicorns when on tinder. It's the modern equivalent of an approach and it tips the game in their favor. Prior to tinder women just got whoever approached them, with tinder they signal their intentions to the unicorns.

What this means is that only a few men are getting all the matches on tinder. The actual statistics, in fact, pan out this way.

> What this means is that only a few men are getting all the matches on tinder. The actual statistics, in fact, pan out this way.

But matches don't matter, even unicorns only have 24 hours in a day and 16 waking hours.

time spent having sex/cuddling/making out and sharing intimacy. That is what matters.

Of course in a perfect world you'd be the one on the receiving end of all those matches, but as I said not even unicorns can possibly take women out of circulation, it's a matter of physics and time, can't get around that.

The fact that from time to time a woman you are involved with will also be seeing or texting a unicorn can't be a reason to throw away the baby out with the bathwater.

At the end of the day it's the reason why we are anatomically shaped in the way we are, nature knew that an attractive woman would be seeing multiple men so it equipped us not to compete just physically or psychologically to secure exclusive access but also anatomically should that not be possible. Gotta trust your apparatus and your soldiers to do the job they were built to do, better than the opposition.

Those unicorns can still satisfy a new woman every week. There's enough unicorns that most women will be able to get laid with unicorn whenever.

>Don't ever take dating advice from women. What women think they want and what they actually want are two different things.

man i guess if you really want to know what hn's values are then just broach dating. jesus.

Sorry let me restate this in a way that seems less targeting.

There are many areas of disconnect with people in general in what they think they want versus what they actually want.

For example: Money. Many people (men especially) think they want lots of money. They don't. What they want is happiness. There's even data to back up the fact that past a certain point money doesn't make anyone happier. Yet the drive to become successful is so strong that men will sacrifice their happiness for a shot at more money. Why does burnout even exist? Because men desire money so much that they illogically sacrifice their happiness for something that won't bring them any more happiness.

The above isn't absolutely true but it's a generality that people understand to be generally true.

Like men and money... women and dating is one of these psychological disconnects humans have.

The problem with many people and with you is that everyone has all these psychological triggers that are always on the look out for anything sexist or racist. Relax man, not many people are racist or sexist and HN should foster an environment where people are able to talk about real biological gender differences without getting cancelled.

your comments are FB level posts disguised as brilliant wisdom.

Yeah thanks for that insult out of nowhere.

you're spewing misogyny. what did you expect me to do? praise you for it?

No I expect mature discussion as the rules of HN specify. There are plenty of people with opinions I vehemently disagree with. The death penalty for example. But their opinion is their right and instead of attacking them and calling them murderers I openly listen to what they have to say and address their points with my own.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance

Relax. My opinions don't even approach the extremes this paradox is referring to. It's akin to a woman saying all men are only interested in Sex. Probably not true for many men, but also very true for an equal amount of men. Either way, not a big deal.

There's no holocaust denial here or anything like that. Also women and dating advice isn't even some kind of controversial hard hitting topic that effects anything.

We can have mature discussion about the merits and disgusting parts of a death penalty which directly influences human lives but we can't do so about women dishing out bad dating advice? Come on man.

> Many people (men especially) think they want lots of money. They don't. What they want is happiness.

It's not about the money, it's about the winning, money is just the trophy

The process is:

Winning > money trophy > brain juices > inflating ego > happiness

I beg to differ on the happiness part. There's a bit of a high when they win... and it's fleeting... but in general the money trophy does not lead to happiness IMO.

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