Comment by janto | Hacker News Reader

Comment by janto | Hacker News Reader

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From the article:

  When we are in the moment, we can easily forget that the goal is to connect with the other side, collaborate with them, befriend them, and integrate them into our tribe.

When I am in a dialog, my goal is not to "integrate them into my tribe". Yuck. It is to express myself authentically in a skillful way. Whatever connection and conversation emerges is then meaningful.

Where the article is advocating kindness as a manipulation tactic to avoid stirring up their partner's defenses, while pursuing a specific perspective change... that is being slimy.

What I am saying is, it's not just that: the article is not wholly rubbish. It is written (paradoxically) for a public that excludes some more "normal" languages.

Even that "integrate into the tribe": there exist plausible interpretations, such as "creating a communication that spreads truths, creating further building blocks for further commonality and keys for further communication".

It is also true that to play squash, spending hours to throw balls at a wall, will get frustrating if you wanted them balls to reach the other side. If you want to be understood by someone specific, you have to understand that - unfortunately - there exist a large number of people who will only understand a limited number of message forms. It's warning you about the inefficacy of flooding an HTTP server with SMTP messages. And sometimes, it's that Joe exactly you have to speak. At work, you will not be able to override that.

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