The Invisible Scars Adult Children of Workaholics Bring to Their Careers

Speaking as an “ACOW” and parent - if that Roblox and Minecraft time is genuine; if you’re helping support them and enable whatever zany and clever things they’re creating, then it counts. It matters.

If you’re just there to say you did it; it doesn’t.

Don’t worry if you’re stumbling every now and again, or you get occasionally distracted. No one is perfect. Just make sure to tell yourself “this time together is about focusing on what they want to do” and you’ll be ok.

> But I don't know how to do home improvement things that kids might want to help out with either.

You can learn any of this stuff and make a project out of it to learn together. Plumbing has a hard limit for sure, but swapping a line under a sink or some fixture can follow this process:

- find what you want to do.

- Go online and watch two YouTube tutorials.

- Go to the store and buy the tools.

- Do the thing.

- Realize you need another tool. Go back to the store.

- Do the thing again and either:

A) success!

B) call a plumber, and talk to them while they are there to learn (some will tell you to piss off and they just want to work, others will walk through it with you if you show genuine interest)

There is a subset of tasks in all home repair that hit a sweet spot of doable work for a weekend warrior. In plumbing, shark bites are amazing for quick adjustments / swapping sections of pipe. In electrical, one can relatively easily swap electrical outlets with the right tools (contactless power tester [PUT THE BATTERIES IN]). It should not require a handyman to mount a TV. Don’t want to spend the time? Fine. But finding a stud and mounting the plate is simple and requires basic household tools (cement or bricks get a little more complicated). Get a stud finder, screw driver, impact driver (overkill, but nice to have), and mounting equipment (maybe a basic socket set) and you’re good to go.

There is also a hard limit, and people should be familiarized enough to recognize it and ready to throw up their hands and call it when that limit is hit. No shame in calling a pro, but there is some benefit of googling things before just putting in a $200 service call.

But everyone should know how to shut off the water, gas, and electricity to the house. Always check your local code for whether you can do more advanced work (electrical). Where I live, it’s legal to do one’s own electrical work and minor updates (swapping outlets) without a permit. But immediately call a professional if you feel uncomfortable. I only do electrical early in the morning, when I’m focused and have enough time to call an electrician before nightfall.

Best advice I ever received about these kind of topics, was from my mom. She said: don't worry about it. Kids will grow up no matter what you do. That may mean a lot if you think about it philosophically. Do what you can, what you know, what you feel like. Don't worry about it. About what you can't do, or others tell you. Just keep doing what you are - the fact you think about it, means you are on track. Most important, is to enjoy it.

Employee Assistance Program maybe?

Im afraid of repeating the mistakes my parents made with my kids.

In hindsight the events may seem like low-stakes issues, but who knows their financial situation at the time and how they viewed the risk of missing the work issue. Maybe they genuinely were addicted to work, maybe they over-estimated the importance of the item at the time, maybe they honestly thought it could impact their job and in some twisted way thought that working more was the right thing to do for you (e.g. to maintain lifestyle).

I think everyone at this point is alienated from pre-pandemic ways of thinking about work, so it’s hard to put those past decisions in context given today’s circumstances.

You are closer to the situation and probably right to question their way of thinking, but I’m writing this response because I could see your comment building resentment. People generally try to do the best they can (though some people just don’t). If they are still alive, can you ask them why they worked so much when you were a kid?