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Comment by jcroll | Hacker News Reader

> Work and self-actualisation can be rewarding and meaningful, but looking at the sea from an hammock and drinking too much beer with friends three times a week is also a completely respectable way of waiting for the gravitational swallowing of the planet.

Part of wants to accept this from the author and the other part of me is wary. I didn't have a child because I wanted to be happy, I did it because I wanted a more meaningful life. It was the greatest decision I ever made.

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I can relate, I have three and I feel it does give my life more meaning.

But I still feel like pointing something out: Know that phenomenon where users that paid for software are typically more satisfied with it and give better ratings than users who didn't?

Whish I knew what the proper name for it is, but having kids is kind of the ultimate version of that :D

(Update: Thanks so much for helping me figure out what to call it!)

It's akin to post-purchase rationalization and sunk cost bias rolled into one - likewise I think it's a specific bias in its own right, but a search hasn't turned up anything yet!

>Know that phenomenon where users that paid for software are typically more satisfied with it and give better ratings than users who didn't?

>Whish I knew what the proper name for it is,

Possibly these:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mere_ownership_effect

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endowment_effect

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice-supportive_bias

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IKEA_effect

I think it's pretty much choice-supportive bias, thanks!

The more costly it is to make the wrong choice, the more is invested into rationalising the decision, the stronger the bias.

The best part of it is that just like the placebo effect it actually works. Speaking from experience. I mean, how can you look at your little child and not feel like you are looking at the face of god? It truly is a profound experience.

Sounds very close to Stockholm Syndrome.

My favorite comment of the day! And I say this as a loving father.

it's called cognitive dissonance: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance (sortof anyway).

It's called "knowing yourself"

People who think "I think I will likely be happier with children" will be positively correlated with people who have children and are happy about it.

People who think "Having kids will probably make me less happy, so I won't have any." will be negatively correlated with having children, or being happy about them if they do.

This isn't irrational. It's just knowing yourself and choosing wisely.

I wasn't going to have kids for the same reasons. My son wasn't planned but he and his siblings are the best thing that ever happened to me and not having kids would have been the greatest mistake I would have ever made. Guess you never know until you know.

The biggest reality check in my life was working at an engineering firm with a bunch of near retirement baby boomers with no children. They all came across ass listless, unhappy, and living a life with no greater purpose. It was unquestionably one of the ugliest things I have ever seen. As you get older and friends drift and pass away family is one of the most important things in life. I know anti-natalism is hip right now but it makes me sad to think of all the millennials and gen-z who will reach their 50s and 60s when it is too late and be stuck in a life without purpose.

I think this is dependent on the people. I’ve also seen many couples who couldn’t have kids that have very fulfilling lives. They volunteer, are active in and well liked by the community. I think meaning can come from many places. Kids are an almost guaranteed source but you can find meaning without children if you look for it.

This might just be wishful thinking on my part since I’m unable to have kids, but I’d like to think I’m not destined for a lonely meaningless future.

I had a great uncle and aunt who could not have children. They lived to their mid/late 80s. They were definitely not living a life without meaning. It definitely is possible. I saw it.

Life has whatever purpose you give to it. That's it.

while true, I think many people struggle to give as deep a purpose to (hiking, being a foodie, knitting) as investing in another person. Not that it isn't possible. Its just a challenge. Not that being a parent isn't a challenge either.

Yes, but is fundamentally true that humans don't really have any other reason for existence than to make more humans. So it makes sense that it's the easy button for manufacturing purpose.

You can work as an obstetrician to the same end.

I don't know if I'd rate that as easy, however. LOL

All the old but happy people I know have children (and grand children). The more, the happier.

All the grumpy old people I know have no children, or just one.

On a day to day bases, it might feel like taking care of children is plenty stressful, but in the long run it's the ultimate form of joy/happiness.

Maybe it's the other way around? Grumpy people don't fxxc.

You must not live in the US. Statistically speaking anyhow.

https://time.com/4370344/parents-happiness-children-study/

Totally agree with you. I noticed that trend as well.

Maybe millennials will retain their friendship and they will be doing stupid tik-toks as 60 years old.

It is super popular to be against the idea that kids will add value in your life. I am not sure Hacker News is the right demographic to understand the value of parenthood.

Most parents would agree that having kids is life changing for the better.

> I am not sure Hacker News is the right demographic to understand the value of parenthood.

I don't know. Seems like I see a comment espousing the joys of parenthood almost every day on here.

Completely agree on the kids part.

I also agree with the author on work though: it's just a way to pay the bills and I don't value that kind of self actualisation. Most jobs are not about changing the world in a meaningful way (and that's ok). I do more creative and research work for my toy projects than I ever did for all my professional career.

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