Ask HN: How do you hack body language? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How do you hack body language?

2 pointssgpl4 comments

I have a unconfident walk. I have a good posture, etc but every moment that I walk I am uber self-conscious trying to control each and every movement of my body, and yet it doesn't just feel right.

I have tried to look at movies and imitate actors, and just read this story on HN which made me realize that I could use some more guidance in this sphere.

31. Act like you know what you're doing You can pretty much conquer the world with a confident walk, a well-thought-out outfit and confident demeanor. We teach people how to treat us and when you show people that you're a force to be reckoned with, they'll believe you.

Thanks.

View on HN

This isn't the kind of thing that can easily be communicated in text :-) you might find it worthwhile to join an improv group, where you can explore lots of different characters and get quick feedback on how well you embody them, but if something's not working then you can just drop it quickly and try a different character.

Self-consciousness is often the product of nerves. To help allay it, work at observing the people you meet - not to gauge their reaction to you, but to just understand them better. Give as much attention to the person who sells you coffee or whatever as to the person you want to invite on a date or sign a deal with.

Oh, and don't overlook the advice about the clothes. If you are wearing something that you know looks nice, then you'll get used to feeling comfortable when you dress.

The only really good way to walk confidently is to feel confidence. In order to feel confident you have to be less self-conscious. The best way to do this is to focus your attention outside of yourself on your surroundings, other people, etc.

Where you look or focus conveys immense confidence. You can practice looking at people directly in the eyes as you walk up to them.

Confidence is relaxed and not self-conscious or tight. So if you must focus on yourself, I'd begin by focusing on breathing deeply and easily while walking. Try walking and moving your arms slower. Confident people seem to never hurry.

Confident walking is really tough thing to isolate outside of confidence in general.

To improve your own body language, it's important to understand the body-language of others. Be 'tuned-in' so to speak.

For less than $10 you can get one of the (2) old-tyme books on the subject:

1. "How to Read a Person like a Book" : http://www.amazon.com/Read-Person-Like-Book-ebook/dp/product...

2. "I Can Read you like a Book" : http://www.amazon.com/Can-Read-You-Like-Book/dp/1564149412

I am female so not sure how well this would work for a man. FWIW:

I took gymnastics in my youth. I later read an article that described how runway models walk. Gymnasts and models both do the same thing:

Put one foot directly in front of the other (like walking on a balance beam) and when the left shoulder goes forward, the right hip should too and vice versa (right shoulder with left hip). This helps keep you stay balanced and it looks elegant.

There is a little more to it than that. That's the bits of I sometimes consciously think about if I want to really walk elegantly and confidently. I have reasonably good posture and balance and all that (edit: So I don't have to try too hard most of the time). Alternately, you could take martial arts for a while. Like gymnasts, martial artists have to keep their balance and learn to take a fall. These are actually related skills.

Best of luck.

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