The benefits of not belonging

> The best way to be liked is to just agree with everyone.

This view is incomplete. Human relationships are build on connections. You can create those connections by agreeing with people, but that creates a very swallow connection.

An example of connections is networking: you mingle in a group of people at an event and start or join conversations. Everyone at the event starts the shared experience of being there. After a conversation, you might find someone that works in the same city you do, that adds another connection. And so on.

:)

But I decided not to take the article personally because they’re not claiming something universal about outsiders.

What has driven alienation in America? You could make the case for hyper-individualism and that plays a big part. The way our cities are designed also plays a role - mostly they're designed around the automobile which doesn't afford us opportunities to run into people we might know as we walk around. Cars are privacy bubbles that allow us to be isolated as we travel around. Look at a European city. There are often people just chatting on a corner or in a piazza - interaction happens much more often in those contexts because those cities tend to be set up in such a way to allow it to happen.

Finally, I think the American fetishization (for lack of a better word) of work plays a role. We Americans tend to define ourselves by the work we do to a larger degree than people in many other parts of the world.

Given the isolation that was already there in American culture, along comes social media and initially it kind of looked like it was going to help be an antidote to that isolation - I think a lot of folks wanted out of the isolation and thought that was going to be a way out. But it ends up often making it even worse - and definitely exacerbates the division between tribal groups. Our alienation causes us to want to identify with these tribal groups for a feeling of belonging and these tribes end up "shitting on" other tribes not aligned with them.

So, I'm hoping you are not a white male, as I don't think we can have the tiniest inkling of what it feels like to be a minority. Even travelling in Asia, where we're clearly a minority, I feel like we know on a global scale that even though we may not be the majority of the population, we hold the majority of influence.

So, I don't think we will ever know what it's like. I have curly hair, and I remember my young nieces and nephews being terrified of me. They had never seen curly hair before (well, not a huge afro like I've got). That was my tiny sliver of a taste of being different. But I know, that is nothing, and we still have no idea.

Only the identity police do. Most of us don't care.

I'm not my race, sexuality, or gender. I'm what I aspire to, what I enjoy, what I dream about, and who I associate with.

Turn off Twitter, social media, and the pessimistic news. They're toxic vortices that thrive off negativity and create a distorted, untrue picture of the world.

America is still strongly individualistic.

This is where I think you're wrong. America is creating and exporting cultural hangups.

I mean, immigrants believe in the American Dream, not weird French theory or whatever.

<raises hand>

> does anybody NOT feel alienated in our current society?

I do not feel alienated.

> Does anybody REALLY feel like they belong in America?

I do.

> what exactly is this country FOR?

It's for people who want their fundamental rights guaranteed so they can do whatever they choose to do, like be a rock star, build rockets to go to Mars, race motorcycles, write poetry, etc.

It's not for people who want cradle-to-grave security and want someone else to make all the decisions for them. Nor is it for people who want to run other peoples' lives.

I mean, that's still better than when America was just white men shitting on everyone else.

Or to put it in less snarky terms, this is what happens when all of the demographics in a society have the ability to express themselves and wield social and political power, rather than just one.

All the insanity is _literally_ in the big cities. There are minorities out here and we all get along just fine.

It's political groups and the media that get people whipped up into hatred for each other, not individuals or communities.

The times have changed, and the media and agitators (no better term?) that don't want to admit they are part of the problem.

or other communities like FOSS?

or any group focused on specific topics?

i disagree with the hard borders though. that just creates bubbles.

i also want to participate in different communities based on my interests. some of which are a completely different group of people.

[1]maybe also discord servers, but I'm way less familiar with how they interact with each others

The Bay Area startup scene is the most sheltered and identical group of people I've ever worked with. It's why I finally turned it in: I just can't stand them. My zip code in Oklahoma is substantially more diverse in any type of way you can think of except superficial ones.

As it turns out everyone acting like they're "open-minded" or "edgy" or "innovative" does not suddenly become true if it is universally parroted. It's an open joke for people who exist outside that system.

There’s no getting around it: increases in population density yield diminishing returns on quality of life. Returns may even turn negative if population density spirals beyond that which the natural ecosystem can support.

Quality of life must be balanced against human population growth. Life is expensive — my fear is if we don’t intelligently limit the number of humans alive, soon only the ultrawealthy will be able to afford having a reasonable quality of life.

Fewer people wanting to live their and those who do being less willing to spend a lot to do so is pretty much the definition of a backwater, so, no, its not really funny.

> Now the costs exceed the value of living there

To you, perhaps, but if that was generally true compared to the time you are comparing it to, fewer people would be paying the price to live there now than then.

You get used to it. After a while, you prefer it, in no small part due to having that outside perspective that is all too valuable in realizing how bad groupthink is.