I disagree. I don't think there's anything inherently "tightly-couply" in engines, nor the systems are as coupled as tightly as you describe.
In modern engines, the allocation and management of resources is often delegated to an individual subsystem. The fact there are no famous libraries (as famous as Bullet, Retour or BGFX) that do it is no indictment it's not decoupled in practice, it's just not a very sexy area. And even in commercial engines, this subsystem is not as smart (and complex) as one would wish.
The triggering parts you mention are handled by Components, in most popular engines. Even without using ECS or something fancy, Unity-style components are already as decoupled as it gets. Sure one component might need to know about others, but that's the nature of the programming and it's already pretty decoupled.
Even the editors like Unity are as decoupled as it gets, using reflection instead of knowing the internals of the Components in the integration layer.
The fact that most engines only come in big monolithic packages is just a reflection of current development culture, with lack of collaboration between engine writers and lack of standard patterns or formats. Virtually every single standard present in video game engines (models, video, audio, code, serialisation, APIs) come from the outside. It's a young field.
But I could perfectly envision a reality where the popular libraries offer components (or whatever) ready to be included into third-party editors, for example. Imagine VST plugins in a DAW, for example. Maybe even a standard map/level format too.
But this is not where the money is: Unity and Unreal breaking it and creating an open ecosystem of Components would be amazing, but would also open the floodgates for competition. Their "strength" is in being a single package that looks monolithic from the outside. With a plugin-is system one could create a new editor without creating the other parts, or a new renderer without creating an editor. I could see Godot doing it, maybe, but that's probably not a priority.