It looks good, but wouldn't it repel potential customers? Might be more effective to obfuscate all the data collection stuff. (Sorry, I don't like it myself, just wondering).
TRUSTe reported several tests on this side, even Facebook had a huge benefit from changing the "privacy policy" policy to something more clear.
Just to tell something more on this side, we are working with http://dribbble.com/jonnotie to make our privacy policies not only useful, but even beautiful :) Stay tuned :P