Ask HN: Considering Transitioning Gender | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Considering Transitioning Gender

6 pointstransqstioning8 comments

Hi HN. I’m considering taking HRT to present as female. I’ve had gender dysphoria since at least puberty about twenty years ago. The idea of transitioning seems fun to me and I wonder if it might help me enjoy life more.

I’m generally handsome (afaict), fit, basically happy enough, in therapy, have decent luck with dating, on senior staff at Google if that helps (i.e. financially secure and with good benefits for trans matters at work). But have struggled deeply with this question and sexually my gender seems to get in the way of my ability to connect physically.

I’m asking HN as it tends to be a curious, yet skeptical and sometimes rigorous community.

My question is: how can I know if this is the right decision for me? Are there good ways of “prototyping” this decision? Is there any great scientific research that is good at predicting outcomes (i.e. whether transitioning improves quality of life or not)?

Thanks so much. Anonymous account for privacy, but a long time poster.

"Fun" (I am not being diminutive or anything like that. Just placing some emphasis on this word and the ideas it may speak to.)

You need to get professional help from people who handle gender specifically. If I were you, I would get a referral from someone you trust.

You should get that help because getting this identity stuff wrong will come with serious consequences one cannot come back from.

You run the very real risk of having to cope with worse than you do now. And while the matter seems minor the way you present, it just may not be.

One other thing:

Fact is a whole lot of people, myself included, want you to be you! Living a lie sucks man. No judgement here. People should be able to present as who they are period.

Fact also is the numbers on that are not great. Some parts of the world are better than others. Same goes for the town or city you live in too. Be careful.

The answer to your question is generally yes! And self discovery is fun!

Doing that yourself with gender in question is high risk.

Doing that under professional guidance is much lower risk.

The people I know, who got this right, are happier, confident, and just are where they were putting on a show of sorts before.

I say get that help. Go figure out what you need to be you and live well and full.

I think anyone should be able to do what makes them happy on a legal basis so I would fight for your right to transition... your body, your choice. As a human it's your natural right as John Locke would say.

However I don't even remotely understand what you're going through emotionally/mentally well enough help you on a personal level and I don't understand the physiology and medical implications of transitioning.

However, I truly hope you figure out what makes you happy and wish you the best of luck.

First of all: Don't trust random folks on the internet (such as me) on such important matters.

> how can I know if this is the right decision for me?

I cannot offer you a solution. But I can offer you an angle.

Under what circumstances would you decide to emigrate to a country you know very little about?

If you are like me, the answer is clear: Only, if life at your present location is unbearable and is likely to get worse in future.

You may want to think whether or not this analogy applies here. That is, ask yourself:

1. Are you totally, completely miserable in your current state and with your current gender? (I am not talking about mood swings that all of us experience.)

2. If the answer to question 1 is yes, are there reasons for your misery other than gender dysphoria?

I thought they make you live as the other gender for a while before taking any medical action.

Whether the is is required or not, it seems like a good idea.

Hmm. HRT is (sort of) reversible. Moreover, it helps individuals present as feminine, which can lead to alignment. It also leads to physiological and sometimes cognitive/emotional changes that can help folks feel more aligned. For these reasons (and perhaps others I am not aware of), “living” as another gender is not required for HRT.

It definitely is not fully reversible. The sort of changes which happen highly stress your body, and going through it twice is not going to leave you the same as if you’d never done it at all.

When they say it is reversible they mean you can go back to looking like a man, not that you can go back to being exactly like you were before.

At the risk of stating the obvious, you should discuss medical interventions with your doctor, not internet strangers.

I've only read a bit on the topic (I had a trans ex-co-worker who was an activist and I was curious about the movement) and I am not an expert by any means, but AFAIK, you specifically should talk to your doctor to rule out autogynefilia because my understanding is that hormone therapy affects libido and could be counterproductive to your actual goals if that's the underlying motivation.

As for "prototyping", I think dressing as a female in public (either full time or just socially), make-up and laser hair removal are common ways to approach it.

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