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Comment by valvar | Hacker News Reader

To further illustrate that point, would you say that someone who is deeply concentrated while reading a book or solving a puzzle looks like they're on drugs?

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If the kid throws massive temper tamtrum when I want it to put off the book/puzzle and go eat dinner with family, absolutely yes. If the kid refuses to engage with others, mistreats siblings or other relatives when the activity ends, yes.

If the kid reads/solves and then behaves normally, then it is different.

If your child throws any kind of tantrum when you tell them to do something, regardless of activity, that is an indicator something isn't right in the core of how they were raised: Tantrums are bad behaviour and should never happen. That's entirely separate from what they are doing at the time, good behaviour (towards you) should be entirely independent of the environment.

1.) Different activities and situations cause different behaviors.

2.) What you said is purely ridiculous. The "tamptrums should never happen" is wishful thinking. It is a goal to produce adult that don't throws tamptrums.

3.) Kids behavior is in fact heavily dependent on environment. Half of classroom management and child raising is literally all about that.

4.) Even many adults rage when gaming and after. Evan adults are irritable and annoyed after gaming.

Agreed, plus the personality matters. Some kids are more agrressive or tantrum prone than others, given the same environment. You can attempt to control it, but it's impossible to control and correct 100%. Kids have personalities!

Tantrums are a normal part of development. Too many might be a behavioral problem, but it is flatly not true and flies in the face of all childhood development studies to say they should never happen.

I have observed, as many other parents have as well, that if the kids spend too much time in front of the screen (> 20 minutes, give or take), they become resistant, moodier, and worse behaved. This is not true if we're playing a board game or having reading time. So, I think a bit of moderation is important.

Incidentally, since having kids, I've also noticed that I am short-tempered if I spend too much time in front of the screen, a good reminder to take a walk a few times during the day.

Our 3.5 YO doesn’t really have any device time (though she likes playing with a calculator, and typing on an neo alphasmart), and she absolutely loves reading. But we recently introduced nature documentaries (blue planet, planet earth). And yup! She throws little tantrums at the end. We’re all super engaged as we watch them together, and I think they’re a good supplement to her kid encyclopedias and stuff. The tantrum are less severe if I preface the viewing with, “when this is done, we’re going to turn it off and do x.” It helps to prepare her for what to expect, rather than be surprised by “no more!”

> Tantrums are bad behaviour and should never happen

This is not true and is extremely unrealistic thinking.

Also: some traits of your children's personality form very young, regardless of your style of parenting. Your influence is strong of course, but some things are just due to the way your kid is wired. You can set an example, and be firm about bad behavior, but some shit is going to happen anyway, tantrums included, depending on the personality of your children.

That's unrealistic. Plenty adults would be annoyed by having to do a chore that interrupts what they are doing. Yeah changing the diaper comes with a groan every time.

And to hell who said you get used to the smell. Second kid and I still breathe with my mouth during the diaper change.

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