"This is water, this is water."
publicnoises.blogspot.com
publicnoises.blogspot.com
You get to hear his intonation and his interaction with the crowd...I found it much more moving than the transcription.
I can't tell you how many people I've sent this to, or shared the sentiment with, over the years.
Instead, I recommend reading some if his short pieces first. It'll allow you to better appreciate Infinite Jest, and the short pieces are a little more immediately gratifying. My personal favorites are 'Good Old Neon' from gis short story collection, Oblivion, and 'A Supposedely Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again' from an essay collection of the same name.
Don't skip the footnotes. They aren't intended to be optional.
So, I think you were picking up on a very intentional, central theme: the absence of hope. It's not a hole so much as it is the entire point, if we're to believe what he says to Rose.
...and it seems tired to point out his depression, suicide, etc... but listen: Infinite Jest seems to be coming from a real place inside him, and maybe you gained some insight into depression by noticing the absence of hope. My understanding is that, for the affected, depression is every bit as much like a hole inside yourself, and a symptom of depression is lacking hope.
Jesus: the very thought of Infinite Jest as a 'cry for help.' Scary. Here is part 1 of the interview:
Your statement is akin to saying "Don't take advice from a man who died of cancer at 46."
If it wasn't concurrently and needlessly mean, I'd thank you for writing it. Instead, I'm just going to remember how dumb you appeared to be.
DFW is perfect towards the end, when he talks about acceptance and awareness— the thesis ("This is water") is spot on. But the way he approaches it, as a question of choosing what to think, is fundamentally, tragically wrong.
To Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy folks call that focusing on cognition rather than experience. It's the classic fallacy of beginning meditators, who believe the secret lies in choosing what to think, or in fact choosing not to think at all. It makes rational sense as a way to approach suffering; "Thinking this way is causing me to suffer. I must change my thinking so that the suffering stops."
In fact, the fundamental tenet of mindfulness is that this is impossible. Not even the most enlightened guru on this planet can not think of an elephant. You cannot choose what to think, cannot choose what to feel, cannot choose not to suffer.
Actually, that is not completely true. You can, through training over a period of time, teach yourself to feel nothing at all. We have a special word to describe these people: depressed.
The "trick" to both Buddhist mindfulness and MBCT, and the cure for depression if such a thing exists, lies in accepting that we are as powerless over our thoughts and emotions as we are over our circumstances. My mind, the "master" DFW talks about, is part of the water. If I am angry that an SUV cut me off, I must experience anger. If I'm disgusted by the fat woman in front of me in the supermarket, I must experience disgust. When I am joyful, I must experience joy, and when I suffer, I must experience suffering. There is no other option but death or madness— the quiet madness that pervades most peoples' lives as they suffer day in and day out in their frantic quest to avoid suffering.
Experience. Awareness. Acceptance. Never thought— you can't be mindful by thinking about mindfulness, it's an oxymoron. You have to just feel it.
There's something indescribably heartbreaking in hearing him come so close to finding the cure, to miss it only by a hair, knowing what happens next.
[Full disclosure: My mother is a psychiatrist who dabbles in MBCT. It cured her depression, and mine.]
And what any of this has to do with this essay, I still don't know. I stand by my assessment of this thread as stupid and mean.
The GP was stupid and mean, and I'm not trying to dispute that. Shoot, I called him a douchebag.
But it remains true that mindfulness can help with depression, while this speech is about thinking about mindfulness, which sadly doesn't help with anything. Mindfulness is a practice, not a philosophy.
From my perspective, that's tragic.
I'm a longtime meditator and a big DFW fan. I generally agree with you. DFW is NOT spot-on.
In this piece and others, Wallace encourages a mindset that appears to me to actively induce alienation in the pursuit of deeper truth. I believe that to be deeply maladaptive. A large proportion of his words in this piece are spent describing that his instinctive reaction to the world around him is one of disgust and disdain.
Rather than seeking to transmute those feelings into more neutral or positive ones, he seeks to elevate himself above what he sees as his natural perspective. Rather than sit in his car and enjoy the coolness of his A/C or the feeling of the wheel against his skin or the patterns the sunlight makes on his dash, he abstracts, he retreats into his mind and an imagined world of possibilities. He describes engaging with other people, but it's inside his head, it's intellectualised and profoundly distant. Rather than seeing the person in the SUV in front as merely another human and seeking to accept them unconditionally, he seeks a fictionalised narrative that renders them palatable to him.
He may have had some sort of underlying chemical or structural problem that caused his depression, but we have no real evidence for that, we have no real evidence that such things exist. What we do know is that patterns of cognition that he advocated run contrary to the basic tenets of the treatment for depression with the best evidence base - CBT and it's variants.
Foster favoured a world view that was 'true' over one that made him happy. He saw happiness and contentment as essentially irrelevant compared to the pursuit of truth. I believe that to be his ultimate error.
I think, based on the unfortunate tone you set with that first dumb comment, that you're drawing sophomoric extrapolations from a single essay that you are actually misreading.
"The View from Mrs Thompson's" surely reinforces that argument. Several thousand words on his experience of one of the most shocking events in American history, but hardly one of them describes an actual emotion. It's practically an anthropological study. He lavishes endless verbiage to describe what kind of a place it is, what kind of people they are, but he doesn't even come close to writing about who they are, what they felt, what he felt, how they related to each other. From what he wrote, he may as well have witnessed it all through a one-way mirror.
Go, re-read it. Tell me that's a man who is living in the present. Tell me he isn't terrified of feeling something real.