I thought he might have had a kid named Sasha and that it might be you. So yeah, I'd say it's confusing - you have to distinguish your own point of view (no doubt entirely clear on the point) from the rest of us who are looking at this with a lot less information and widely varying assumptions. Not everyone knows that he has died, for example.

Re Lilly - sorry for not being clearer - what I'm curious about is that you seemed to imply that at a certain point he was adversely affected by his own use of dissociatives, that it had some profound effect on him, and that he never fully recovered from it. I was curious to hear more about what happened there. I'm not super familiar with his work but I read a bit and found it to be a mixture of penetratingly lucid and completely unintelligible (mostly the latter).