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Comment by mrfusion | Hacker News Reader

I bet you’d love this article: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/pfibDHFZ3waBo6pAc/intentiona...

Thank you for linking this, I had a great experience reading it and discovering the same problem that the author had. I didn't even consider it was possible to directly and intentionally have an emotionally vulnerable conversation! I love when I have them, but I always thought of them as 'happy accidents' that just occur sometimes.

It's never even popped into my head that these are avenues in a conversation that you can take with intention.

In my experience the best way to have a vulnerable conversation is just to put yourself out there. And have a back up. Once in a while, I'll say something and clearly it's not desired, so it's always nice to fall back to 'Hey did you want some more cookies / can I get you another beer?'.

Haha thanks. Yes... there's a benefit to being a socially awkward kid raised in a culture of close friendship in that my parents taught me in very clear terms how to make friends, that I use to this day (to apparently much greater success than 'normal' kids I know).

I especially liked the article's details on maintaining friendships. Being a good friend is like having a marriage. We have this couple we're friends with. The husband and I get along and my wife and his wife get along (and of course, we all get along with each other). But his wife and my wife fought for a bit (And I mean really fought), and we had a 'falling out', but then I took the initiative to reach out to the husband, and for a while, we'd clandestinely go out with each other, until we both decided it was time to get the wive's to reconnect and everyone to make up (which they eventually did). It was hard emotional work... but it's all worth it. I think a lot of people drop friends they don't like. I notice a lot of people today do it over differences in politics, which I frankly find unfathomable.

So how do you handle political differences?

I can definitely feel closer with people if we’re on the same page politically.

And it’s really jarring to have so many things in common and then discover they’re promoting the destruction of western values …

I could definitely use some advice.

On the other hand back when politics wasn’t as in your daily life I really didn’t care about disagreements.

> And it’s really jarring to have so many things in common and then discover they’re promoting the destruction of western values …

I dunno who your friends or acquaintances are, but if your view of them is that they want to destroy western values and your way of living, then that's a problem on you, not them. Most likely, they don't want to hurt you or your way of life... they just want to be able to live theirs, so I would suggest not approaching this is a problem of 'my friend basically wants to destroy my country'.

I mean on the other hand, if you're surrounded by people who literally want to destroy your country, well then I'd suggest moving, I guess. I don't honestly believe there's many parts of america, other than certain cult compounds, that would share that view though. More likely, you are the one reading ill intent into other's politics.

I suggest learning more about these western values, where they came from, why, and how long they have been around. I think you will be surprised and find a very enjoyable rabbit hole. One spoiler: most things people consider an inseparable part of their culture (any culture, not just western) are a few generations old at best, and are usually borrowed from another culture.

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