Teenage Sex - The Sleepover Question | Hacker News Reader

Teenage Sex - The Sleepover Question

nytimes.com

22 pointsjseliger10 comments

It is important to note that the age of consent could have something to do with the differences in attitudes in the US vs Netherlands. In many states in the US, the age of consent (sexual) is 18. There are a few states where it is 16, or even 14, though. It would be interesting to compare responses from parents of 16 year olds in these states. In the Netherlands, from what I was able to find online, the age of consent is 16, but with the consent of parents, it can be as low as 12. Given that, it would make sense that attitudes of parents would be different.

It would be good for all if our cultural attitude toward sex here in the US was more practical and mature.

However, as you note, age of consent is a very important factor. The two families could be enlightened, mature and responsible, but if either kid is below the age of consent, then both kids are at risk of being registered sex offenders, and the enabling parents may be in for legal trouble also.

I would prefer to take the Netherland's approach, but the legal issue trumps everything, in my opinion, in these hyper-puritanical United States.

Many US states have Romeo and Juliet laws that decriminalize sexual activity between minors providing that their age difference is close. see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statutory_rape#Romeo_and_Juliet...

I suspect the cultural attitudes shaped the law, and not the other way around.

I suspect the cultural attitudes shaped the law, and not the other way around.

You're right...these laws were likely written during a more conservative age, but even though attitudes have changed, it is difficult to change the laws. Just do a search for "Blue Laws" to see plenty of examples of this. I think that it's quite possible that now the situation is reversed, that the laws are influencing attitudes. Just look at the drinking age. I'm sure there are plenty of parents who don't give their kids wine simply because the drinking age is 21.

Seriously asking, does no one care how many people their spouse slept with?

Why does it matter? I met my wife when I was 20 and she was 23. Does it matter what happened when she or I did at age 16, given there are no STDs or children in the mix?

I know I don't particularly like to be judged on things I did before I was 19 or so, because the me at 18 was a very different individual (less responsible, more petty, etc.) than the me at 20. So, turning the question around: are you seriously going to judge a person based on what he/she did a number of years prior?

Not me.

Is this a tangential question or a response to something you feel the article implied?

The way I read the article is "Teenagers are going to have sex. Parents can either treat their children with respect and become emotionally closer with them by acknowledging this and accepting it, or pretend their children aren't sexually active and cause both parent and child to become more emotionally distant from the other."

I see the attitude taken by the Dutch family similar to the approach I see many European families taking towards alcohol with youth. If children are shown alcohol is something neither dirty nor evil but rather something to be enjoyed in moderation, the child is more likely to grow up respecting and enjoying alcohol and less likely to abuse it.

Same with sex. If a child grows up with his closest role models showing sex isn't shameful or evil but instead natural and wonderful, he's more likely to grow up and have mutually respectful relationships.

Some people presumably do; I don't; and I'm probably more interested in who a significant other sleeps with after we're together. For more on this, see Dan Savage: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/magazine/infidelity-will-k... .

At some point—probably around age 16 to 17—everyone is someone's sloppy seconds. One either deals with this essential fact... or doesn't.

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