I'd settle for an assistant that carries out simple tasks.
I don't expect much from my robot assistant, but the number of times throughout the day that she gets it blatantly wrong has become a running joke in our household.
A few recent examples:
Me, holding my Apple Watch near my face: "Hey, Siri, drive to Kroger <there's one I go to all the time that is 10 minutes from my house>"
Watch: "Now playing <some band I've never heard of, that isn't in my library>"
Simultaneously, iPhone: "Getting directions to Kroger <shows results that are ~700 miles away>"
Or: Me, to my iPhone: "Hey, Siri, start a yoga workout."
iPhone: <starts playing a Yoga video on Fitness+, instead of starting the plain Yoga tracking workout I do every day>
Edit:I just remembered another one. I was mowing the lawn on Sunday and wanted to start an outdoor walk. The mower was off, and I had my AirPods in:
Me: "Siri, start an outdoor walk"
iPhone: "Ok, I've cancelled your alarm for tomorrow"