Ask HN: Life Lessons

Worklife: Make sure everyone in the company, specially your bosses boss, know that you are valuable to the company. Bosses will feel threaten so make sure you don't overshadow them so they don't find ways to make your life miserable.

Life: Write a 1,5,10 year plan for your life. Find an older mentor you can trust to review it with you. Execute and revisit every year. Hoping that your random actions will lead you to a successful place is wishful thinking.

Life: 2 alphas in a relationship leads to a breakup and pain. If you can't lead, follow. If you can't follow, get out and find another relationship.

I saw this clip from the movie risky business when I was a kid. I wish I would have take the advice to heart then. It will change your life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlbzeaaOaP4 "Sometimes you just have to say, 'what the F***'"

Write things down. Revisit them. By this process you will discover that you were not the person you were even five minutes ago. Take that to heart.

Don't be a jerk. Moreover, don't pretend you don't know what a jerk is. Taking pride in being an ass is slim pickings indeed.

Measure twice, cut once. And measure from different directions if you can.

To tell good from evil, give it power. Evil keeps power for itself. Good gives power back to you.

It's OK to walk out of a bad movie or drop a boring book. Life's too short to waste on things that aren't for you.

That said, what was boring at nineteen might be enthralling at thirty-six. Allow for the possibility that you have evolved.

Existence is a learning experience, not a morality play.

A difficult truth is always better than an easy joy, but that doesn't mean an ice cream cone after dinner is a sin.

Suffering is private. Never judge someone else for being in less pain than you, or more pain than you.

Break the rules rather than do anything outright barbarous, but also own the consequences of doing so.

There is always something worthwhile in the present moment, even if seems like a terrible moment. You owe it to yourself to find it.

Shared taste is not necessarily an indicator of shared values. Divergent taste is not necessarily an indicator of divergent values.

Don't worry about what other people think of you. But you are permitted to defray this rule if the people in question cut your paychecks. Just try not to defray it forever.

Be yourself, but not to the extent that you're living all over the guy next to you.

Technology is neither good nor bad; nor is it neutral. (attributed to Melvin Kranzberg)

Money can't buy happiness. It can buy remarkable simulations of it that are good enough to fool the inattentive. Don't be one of those dopes. Insist on the real thing, the one that has no pricetag.

Never confuse a bid for immortality with the childish fear of death.

Remember: they can kill you, they can besmirch your name, they can destroy everything you've ever done and ruin the lives of everyone you've ever loved, but that's all. (Paraphrased from Henry Rollins)

Never strong-arm anyone else into learning any of this. They have to get it for themselves.

I live by an understanding that almost all of my suffering is self-inflicted by craving for things to be different than they are. This craving has many types: Clinging to a self-identity and becoming unhappy when it is threatened or ignored, craving material pleasures (money, objects, experiences) and being stressed or unhappy about obtaining or losing them, clinging to views/ideas/opinions/concepts as being correct, craving a future or a different past, and other people to be or act different. I live by the insight that letting go and radical acceptance leads to true peace and happiness.

If you're stuck, ask for help. If nobody can suggest a solution then at least you don't have to beat yourself up for not being able to solve the problem either. Conversely if someone else is stuck and you have the means to help them then do so. This is mainly in regards to technical problems at work, but can be applied to other areas of life as well.

Don't be afraid of just saying "please don't bother me with this, i don't care about that" as well as "fuck this shit, it's dumb, i'm going home".

If I look backwards and think of all the time wasted and all the crappy situations I could have got out of by just saying stuff like that, without bothering with politeness...

Being polite is good, being too polite is dumb.

Regular exercise is the foundation for mental health. It leads to better sleep, healthier eating, and better mood, all of which improve relationships and improved cognitive performance. It's not a cure all, but the closest thing to it I've found.

Make sure to actively invest in the relationships that are important to you. It's easy to take them for granted without realizing you are doing so. That might be your spouse, your parents, your siblings, your close friends, your kids. Make time for them whenever possible -- you don't want to wake up one day and realize you missed out on having a relationship with the people that matter.

1. Jobs said it better: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kYfNvmF0Bqw

2. The toolbox fallacy: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sz4YqwH_6D0

A few things that I wished I knew when I first started.

Never outshine your boss. Spread credits around but make sure your boss knows you are responsible privately.

I learned this the hard way.

People overestimate what they can achieve in one year, but underestimate what they can achieve in ten year.

It's OK to say NO. To your boss, to your friends and to your family.

Very rarely am I the first to come up with an idea, however brilliant or obscure. So, when in doubt research before duplicating another person's work.

A.K.A. Don't reinvent the wheel.

Don't trust your boss or company.

Realise who it is who actually pays your salary; your clients/customers. Appreciate the Pareto Principle; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareto_principle If you ever have a difference of opinion with the female of the species, realise you are the one who is wrong!