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> and instead of rewriting it in a more performant language they have decided to scale horizontally instead.

Dendrite is literally rewriting it in a more performant language

> How is that feasible for the average guy who wants to run it on the their own server?

The average guy likely doesn't host for thousands of people

> The average guy likely doesn't host for thousands of people

The python server already has trouble if you subscribe to large rooms. I'm all for promoting Matrix (it's a great project), but the default server has warts and nobody is served by trying to hide them.

Trouble in the sense that the most resource intensive room makes Synapse use about 700 mb of RAM

Can confirm. I'm joined into Matrix HQ from a not-very-powerful VPS and a recent Synapse uses about 700M RAM and otherwise has no trouble handling it at all.

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