Don't Burn Bridges: A Guide to Networking in Silicon Valley | Hacker News Reader

Don't Burn Bridges: A Guide to Networking in Silicon Valley

giftrocket.com

168 pointskapilkale31 comments

Excellent points.

On a related note, I just read a good article on using small barriers to entry as filters for your time: http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/i-use-small-barrie...

Most of the folks that ask me for help aren't 'kooks' perse, but they usually want someone to make their dreams come true with little or no effort on their part.

Asking these people to do a small task as a precondition of your help is a great way to filter out those not really serious about the goal.

Here's how it typically goes:

"Hey Matt! I hear you do iPad apps! I have a great idea for one! I'm super passionate about this and really want to get it going!"

Me: "Great! Before we go any further, it's best to sketch the app out on paper first. Do that and then let's take a serious look at it!"

I've had many many conversations like this. Even requiring a simple sketch filters out about 98% of these people.

Another common variation is from folks who want to learn programming. Instead of asking for a sketch, I'll send them a link to an excellent beginners tutorial to work through. I very rarely hear back from anyone after that. However, those very few that do come back are typically great to work with.

I haven't always used these filters. I used to really try and help everyone that asked for it. Unfortunately that nearly always ended up with me putting in time and effort to help someone who I would later discover wasn't really all that serious about the goal.

Small barriers/filters have been great for saving my energy for those that are really serious about doing something. It's really been a sanity saver.

Thank you, from a recent founder whose volume of requests has been going up exponentially. I really love helping out people when I can, but helping them make the first step before I dig in is more practical than scheduling coffee with everybody who gets in touch.

What is the beginner's tutorial if I may ask?

Sure, for ruby, I usually send them to something like this: http://www.ruby-lang.org/en/documentation/quickstart/

It's short and gives them quick wins. Having their hands dirty with code that works really builds the confidence they need to continue.

If someone is willing to even just start the tutorial, that meets my filter-qualification and I'm very happy to help them with any stumbling points as they go through it.

One of those things I learned early on is that a person's nature is not always under their conscious control and something I learned much later is to remind myself that people evolve based on their experiences.

The second bit is where you have to be careful because it will trip you up. I've known folks who came out of school truly arrogant bastards and then after a few years of exposure to the 'real' word mellowed like a good wine into something great. And have known folks who were great when I knew them, and then discovered on re-connecting that they had lost their way. The short of it is, holding a grudge against a person's past misdeeds isn't really very productive. As a manager you give your employees annual performance reviews and advice on what they should work on, so if I've not 'known' someone for a couple or three years or more I reset all my specific expectations to zero to get a sense of the person they are now versus the person they were then.

Holding a grudge isn't healthy, and people change over even short amounts of time. And biggest of all, as someone who runs a startup this shouldn't take an iota of your mindshare.

The point of the article is separate though. Hold the behavior of everyone else in the valley constant. Given that, what are the things that you should do in order to network with people effectively? The four listed are probably some of them.

So, I'll be a bit contrarian on this.

I get a lot of intros. I get a lot of mail. But my chief role is not a networker. My role is to make sure the company makes money.

It happens a lot that I'll have some contact of a contact do an intro to someone that they think will be useful for us. We've done enough deals at this point that we can pretty quickly tell is an incoming intro passes the smell test or not.

Often I'll do an initial call out of courtesy to the person that did the intro, but I don't bother with a follow-up unless I smell blood in the water.

I end up dropping more intros that I'm happy with. It definitely bugs me at times that I can't stay on top of every intro that comes my way. But it's important to balance pure networking with actual business development and to not confuse the two.

This article is for people on the other side of the table who send you emails and are looking for help. Think of a company who does not follow up after getting a positive response from you.

One thing that's interesting about startups though is that it's not always clear which side of the table is which. A lot of the intros that I end up dropping are with folks from companies that are more important than us. (That's actually really common since they've have dedicated BD people whose job is basically opportunistic networking.)

That said, you're right -- if you contact someone out of the blue higher up in the food-chain than you are, then the onus is on you to follow-through.

"My role is to make sure the company makes money." Do you own the company? If not, you're a hired gun.

My unsolicited advice: be a professional, have integrity, make money for the company. One day, perhaps through no fault of your own, you might not make money, and the company will subsequently kick you out on your ass. Then, you'll see the value of those intros you made.

Do you own the company?

I am a co-founder. From my reading, this article was primarily targeted at founders, so I responded in kind.

Edit: As a side note, there's a hidden subtlety in your phrasing that's worth pointing out. When you're an employee, your interests are still primarily personal. When you're a founder, the line between personal and business interests are scant if they exist at all. As an employee you'll often be in contact with folks that (whether consciously or otherwise) you think may be useful for you at some point. As a founder, that extends out to the business, and the question of if they'll be useful to you in that moment equivalent to if they'll be useful for the company. Now, there is life after the present company for founders as well, but psychologically, at least for me and I assume many others, that realm is far less in the foreground than it is for an employed person.

Makes sense...now I understand why you used "we" and "us."

googled for "be nice to people quotes", and among other things it brought

"Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down."

The value of those intros you made will be all the friends you will now have in the industry that owe you a debt of gratitude, if nothing else.

I think you'll find you're far happier if you can avoid thinking like this. Putting any thought towards these kind of minor "misdeeds" or even keeping track of them is a draining way to live.

I don't think the author is "keeping track" of anything. If I say, "Hey, will you review my YC application?" and you say, "Sure, but get it to me before Wednesday or I won't have time." and I say, "Will do!" and then you never hear from me again, you won't be recommending me for anything. And likely, you won't take the time to help me if I try to reconnect, unless I have a pretty good reason I flaked.

It's not a list, it's human nature. You invest in things that show promise, and the behavior outlined above doesn't show promise.

I think the point is more about time management for the person offering their help to anyone who reaches out. There is an incredible sense of helpfulness in the startup community and a pay it forward/back attitude. When new entrepreneurs, or old alike, reach out for help, your first instinct is to help them because you know how hard it is to be an entrepreneur. This is despite being super busy and drained yourself. So, when you make time for someone, even though you may not have much time to give, it's quite a waste when they take it for granted. It's not about holding a grudge, more about making a decision to help the people who respect your time and value it, and not wasting your time helping people who seem not to.

If someone introduces you to their contact, you should treat them with respect and not fuck up their reputation by being an arrogant bastard. (But maybe that's why I don't write blog posts).

I think it's best to treat that contact as you would a family friend - you wouldn't want to piss off a friend of your mom, right?

Yeah, your first sentence basically summarizes the article.

It can be surprising how helpful most people are willing to be if you just manage to show up and not waste their time.

The people you meet on the way up, are the same people you'll meet on the way down. A cliché, but worth remembering.

Imo, if you're genuinely interested in what someone's doing / wants to do .. you won't need a networking crib-sheet. If you're not genuinely interested - what are you doing?

Also, good manners are free.

I'm always astonished how many people burn bridges when leaving a company. I'm not sure why this is.

All these points can be summed up into two points. First, make sure you are committed to the interactions you are engaging in. Second, if you are not committed to those interactions, make it clear to the other party (apologize, etc.).

So the main advice from the guy from giftrocket is to send out giftrockets. Got it.

Actually, I think he's saying be courteous to people that help you.

I agree with this advice, and I think the advice stands alone.

I think you should always err on the side of being overly generous to anyone who spends time trying to assist you. So, if he built a startup that makes this process easier, and then writes about it, I think thats great. Whats your beef?

I think this can be boiled down to "have self confidence, don't flake, be nice". Reputations are built over a lifetime.

Be careful with that reasoning. You may find something which takes a lifetime to build but only seconds to destroy isn't worth your time to worry about.

Go out there, build a great company and let the PR people worry about your reputation when you drink margaritas on a nice beach in Thailand.

That doesn't mean that you should do things that you consider wrong or immoral. Just don't give a hoot what people say about you.

> Just don't give a hoot what people say about you.

I think that is a very good trait that nearly no one possesses.

I think very few people can get away with not caring what others say about them. What people think of you DOES matter. We don't live in an isolated bubble and interactions matter. You seem to be proposing that PR people can handle things once you're successful, however, my impression is (and odds are) this advice is for startup founders before they are fuck you rich. If you're Bill Gates already, sure, do whatever the hell you want (Mind you I think he's doing amazing things for humanity at this point instead of being a dick on a beach in thailand). But if not, this attitude just won't help you or your company.

> What people think of you DOES matter.

If you believe that what you are doing is good for the world, should it matter what people think of you? I bet a lot of people think that Gregory Maxwell or Aaron Swartz are criminals.

I think that having strong beliefs/goals is much more important then bowing to the general social pressures of the day. If you have strong beliefs, and you think what you are doing is good/right for the world, then it should't matter what people think. The world might not agree with you, and your ideas might fail miserably. Fortunately, we are lucky enough to be part of a community and where failure is looked upon favourably.

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