Comment by 123pie123 | Hacker News Reader

Comment by 123pie123 | Hacker News Reader

having worked with a narcissist boss, I can very easily see why they get ahead quicker.

IMO - this technical management role had no real way of being evaluated by her seniors - they weren't technical enough, in fact they (directors) pretty muched looked down on technical roles. -(similar to the comedy "The IT Crowd", but a bigger team)

The only thing they could judge the management role on was a) was there anything going wrong with the IT systems b) was the manager a good person

a) was taken care off by the techies in the IT team

and for b) she was extemely charming, boastful and according to her, she was the reason the company IT existed - yet she boasted she wasn't technical - she was extemely not technical

I avoided her at all cost and followed the rule of never ever pointing out she'd made a mistake, not even positive criticism.

We did put a basic system in place to monitor the responses of fixes and calls - I did laugh when I ran a report on the performance of the team vs her holidays

> never ever pointing out she'd made a mistake

This is such a key skill. It's important to judge whether a person is open to feedback or not. A lot people assume others are open to hearing criticism. If your manager is a narcissist and you start pointing out things that they are doing wrong without earning their trust you are as good as toast.

I would go even further. Every single thing you say at work should be dedicated to improving your career. You should be playing politics with every sentence.

Doesn't mean you are sleazy, but if it doesn't make you look better to say or make you friends, don't bother say it. Let that open to the internet server slide if it requires blaming someone higher up.

Totally agree with not saying anything in this situation regarding opinions or constructive criticism, and would add not opening up and/or sharing any info regarding your personal life. With narcissistic bosses, all that is used as a weapon against you, whether now or long into the future.

Would have to disagree on playing politics, unless you mean minding what one says. Office politics aren't worth the energy or the toll they take on one's morale and character. If you work at a place where the mudslinging is heavy and often, especially among management types who are toxic and target the ones they manage, gtfo of there.

From experience, if you stay you're essentially letting them rob time from your short period spent alive, and recovering from the trauma is lengthy. Personally, it's taken nearly a year after being laid off to recover and begin feeling like myself from before the ~7 years of working under 2 bosses of this type (one was the vp of tech and the other was a manager below her, so two levels in hierarchy).

I wish I'd known all this when I was younger

I was too trusting - huge mistake from a health and stress perspective

If you are in an engineering context, where you are building/fixing stuff that is responsible for profitability, then YOU ARE SLEAZY for not speaking/writing the truth.

If you choose to build your career on helping others avoid the consequences of their mistakes, then you are part of the problem.

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