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Comment by RHSman2 | Hacker News Reader

How to get my kids to bed to bed.

By no means am I an expert, but just another parent on HN.

1. Ritualize

I notice a pattern with my kids: going to bed is a ritual, and any deviation is reason enough for them to leave the bed.

2. Slow down in advance

Going to bed after playtime is impossible. So cut screens, playtime, play/listen some quiet music, read books or newspaper (again, no tablet/reader), at least 1h before bed time.

3. Recap the day

Remind your kids of their day, activities and make them aware of the fatigue. Works better when in bed, with mine.

4. Stay with them if they're afraid

Learn why they're afraid, teach them why there's no reason to be afraid. I've had to hang a sock to the door every night for months to scare tigers away :D It just works ^^

Every parent knows the pain and every kid has their own back story and the relationship with the parent(s) is key to finding a way into bed.

Eventually, they will sleep.

In our case, we settled that unless exceptional situations, our kids had to fall asleep in their own bed, because we wanted/needed our intimacy. To get that, I had to stay in my kids' room for as long as 2hrs for months, but didn't let go. Today, going to bed is thankfully not a situation anymore.

I'm not sure this is in any way helpful, but here's my shared experience and learnings. YMMV.

Best trick I've learned (and I have more than twice as many kids as the average citizen here :-) is to:

1. make sure they don't fall asleep with something they cannot keep all night (i.e. while you are singing to them, rocking them, sitting next to them or when they are drinking a bottle of milk etc)

2. make sure they understand that even if you leave the room it is just temporarily. Small kids are - for good reasons - very afraid of being forgotten or left alone.

2.1 Using a timer to remember to visit the room regularly and often as they learn to sleep alone can help a lot

2.2. Increase the interval each day. I increased it by two minutes each day.

2.3 If the kids are happy in their bed, continue to visit their room at the scheduled time: you don't want them to think that you forget them if they don't cry.

Using this method I've got my last few kids to enjoy going to bed and sleep better in less than a week fo each of them.

For mine: A reading light with a remote-control timer. We read a story together, brush teeth, then they get 10 minutes of independent time with their own storybook. But kids vary, so good luck.

This book has a lot about parenting, including how to get your kids to go to bed:

https://www.amazon.com/Bringing-Up-B%C3%A9b%C3%A9-Discovers-...

in general aim for repetition and stringing activities together.

So for us, when I first started to do this. Each night they get a 'treat' but to get that treat they first need to be ready for bed - eg bedroom ready to sleep in, correctly dressed/ washed etc..

then after the treat they must choose a calming activity - ideally in their bedroom eg reading (nothing that gets their heart rate up) for 30-60mins then they must bush their teeth

It's this point we say time for bed, but we allow them to carry on reading for another 30-60min then it's lights off

if they don't do the activities/ actions after the treat, then we warn them that they'll not get one tomorrow etc. (and really do what you say)

also you may need to flexible on the activities until they get into the swing of it

If they are young < 3years just run hairdryer song from YT. I give 5 mins max. You are welcome.

Heu, raise your voice

Try the 28hour day. Once your kids are sufficiently tired, they'll go to bed by themselves.

https://xkcd.com/320/

... not a parent?

(The only thing worse than trying to get a child who isn't tired to go to sleep is a child who is too tired to go to sleep.)

... I've got two! (0.3y, 2.7y)

Apparently I also still have a sense of humor. Or maybe I don't, because perhaps pretending one doesn't get the joke of doubling down on xkcd silliness is perhaps a joke in itself, which I didn't get.

Benadryl

Benadryl, no. But melatonin, sometimes, yes. My rule is to have a hard cutoff time after which it's better to take melatonin than to continue the cycle of whining, sleep deprivation, and next-day misery. The cutoff is late enough to have plenty of time to try all the other things involving wind-down rituals. It is not an every day thing. I found that having the consistency actually helps establish the rituals too.

Also, bedtime trouble usually means not enough outside time and physical activity during the day. Or that the kids want more of the parent's time.

Look into the research behind melatonin use. I’m not a doctor and certainly long term use of diphenhydramine is associated with neurological problems in old age, but I’m not sure melatonin should be used as a simple hypnotic as you are suggesting. It’s natural but so is testosterone. Hormones may not be good to tinker with. I say that as a long time user of melatonin. At the very least you may want to stick with lower dosages- nothing over 1mg which is about as low as is easy to find.

Kids versions don't come in anything higher than 1mg and one can make it a half-dose quite easily. It's really more of a last resort thing, and definitely not for every night's bedtime. How last resort? Maybe once or twice a month. Now that my kids are a bit older and bedtime rituals are established it's even more rare.

I realize that some parents reach for it every night and this is not something I'm suggesting.

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