If open source meant simply that the source code is available, Windows would also have to be considered open source, as Microsoft makes the code available to some of its customers. This is not how the term is generally understood.
[1] https://www.gnu.org/philosophy/free-sw
IdentityServer4 is still open-source and available. There's a new version by Duende with commercial licensing, or various alternatives like OpenIddict [1]. OAuth/OIDC is a well-supported standard so you can also use servers in other languages like Ory [2].
Microsoft's team did consider making their own token server but there was considerable pushback from the community because it would have a negative effect on open-source, and wouldn't add anything new compared to existing projects while taking resources from other framework features.
1. https://github.com/openiddict/openiddict-core 2. https://www.ory.sh/open-source
My impression from reading the code and GitHub issues is that they're not maintained by real ".NET people" who are plugged in to all the fine details and best practices of the framework and the runtime.
StackExchange.Redis is a good example of one that is independent of MS but still very high quality.
I agree with your impression that developers of the other library don't seem to be "plugged in to" the .NET ecosystem. As an independent developer (not affiliated with Oracle or Microsoft), I've been able to influence GitHub PRs that shape the ADO.NET API for .NET 6.0, just by showing up and contributing; I haven't seen anyone from the Oracle MySQL team participating. Meanwhile, they violate basic principles of the .NET Framework Design Guidelines that have been around for over a decade (https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/dotnet/standard/design-guid...), which makes their library feel alien to a .NET programmer (regardless of the quality issues it might have).
We ripped out the Oracle MySQL library at work and put MySqlConnector in. The high quality documentation made it really easy to understand and make adjustments for the differing behaviors between the 2 libraries. Any time I've poked into the code to try to understand some fine detail of it, I've always found it very easy to quickly understand what could be going on. It's great.