These are not merely in tension, but actually completely incompatible. We can respect local culture or try to impose one that we like better, but you can't do the first and also the second.
> Would it be incredibly hard to do without abuse?
No, it would be abuse.
> Is it questionably moral?
No, again, it is unquestionably immoral.
> War is awful, it should happen as infrequently as possible, but if you're going to do it, you better have a plan for winning the peace.
Sometimes, you just need to accept winning the war. Disrupting al-Qaeda in Afghanistan and providing a deterrent for the Taliban letting a similar group base out of there in the future was a win. The fantasy of then forcibly-but-on-the-cheap implanting a pro-Western liberal democratic regime and society in Afghanistan was...insane. Unrealistic fantasies about “winning the peace” we could do with fewer of.