> What I thought were people looking down on me were in fact people looking at me with hopeless pity

Or maybe they actually were looking down on you. When we feel bad in response to someone else, we're not usually misinterpreting the emotional cues.

It's not just what they say -- it's the way they say it.

Which is why the term "constructive criticism" exists. If you want to help them, then make them feel good by expanding their knowledge. But support them in their own choices and autonomy.