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M1 Macs are basically iPads, with the same iOS-style locked-down boot process. They even have the same DFU mode as iOS devices.

In my case "my" M1 bricked itself, because Apple servers have refused to permit changes to NVRAM in the machine, and it can't boot a reinstalled OS without Apple's approval.

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No, M1 isn't locked down at all. You can disable secure boot and there are efforts to port Linux to it. You can block *.apple.com and everything will still work.

Puppies aren't messy at all. You can shave all their hair off and there are efforts to deal with the slobbering. You can put a diaper on the back end of it and everything will still work.

I've used macs since the 90s and the first thing I always do is delete all the Apple apps, install little snitch, and set up the hosts file to block apple, adobe and anything else that's trying to call home. That's not misunderstanding or misusing the device, it's just standard configuration as far as I'm concerned. I don't have an M1 yet, and I'm a little worried about apps sidestepping little snitch, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

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