Startups should move to the 5 year exercise window. We've made this change at Ockam. Here's a list of companies with extended exercise windows
This is not true with ISOs (it is considered income for AMT but that affects fewer people and you can get AMT credit to claw it back in future years).
The tax laws around stock options really need to be reformed, they encourage employees to take on undue financial risk, especially for non-public companies.