We used Kafka for event-driven micro services quite a bit at Uber. I lead the team that owned schemas on Kafka there for a while. We just did not accept breaking schema changes within the topic. Same as you would expect from any other public-facing API. We also didnt allow multiplexing the topic with multiple schemas. This wasn’t just because it made my life easier. A large portion of the topics we had went on to become analytical tables in Hive. Breaking changes would break those tables. If you absolutely have to break the schema, make a new topic with a new consumer and phase out the old. This puts a lot of onus on the producer, so we tried to make tools to help. We had a central schema registry with the topics the schemas paired to that showed producers who their consumers were, so if breaking changes absolutely had to happen, they knew who to talk to. In practice though, we never got much pushback on the no-breaking changes rule.
DLQ practices were decided by teams based on need, too many things there to consider to make blanket rules. When in your code did it fail? Is this consumer idempotent? Have we consumed a more recent event that would have over-written this event? Are you paying for some API that your auto-retry churning away in your DLQ is going to cost you a ton of money? Sometimes you may not even want a DLQ, you want a poison pill. That lets you assess what is happening immediately and not have to worry about replays at all.
I hope one of the books you are talking about is Designing Data Intensive Applications, because it is really fantastic. I joke that it is frustrating that so much of what I learned over years on the data team could be written so succinctly in a book.