Ask HN: How do you chill your mind after work?

Don't work as hard as you're doing at work. You're giving your employer all your creative and mental energy. This is the source of why you feel drained. If you don't fix this, it will eventually lead to burnout down the road (it could take a few years). All the other solutions are just hacks and workarounds while working 200% at your job. Those won't address the core of your problem.

Focus on your GF and personal experiences, your work will never treat you as humanely as life. You only live once, enjoy it!

Agree. I realized too late about this. Nowadays I give at most 30% of my mental energy to the company I work for. I thought people would notice, but it turned out they were already doing the same! When looking for a job, I usually discard job offers that include things like “up for a challenge?”, “... we move fast and break things!”, etc., the kind of companies that publish jobs with such wordings are usually too noisy for my well-being.

This. And any reputable employer makes sure that employees get enough rest and avoid burn out because it helps both sides in the long term. Burnout not only reduces productivity but also brings resentment which sometimes explode into difficult situations that hurt both sides.

Is it because deep down the work anxiety is still there? or scientifically we have a notion of "thinking motor"

I think it has to do with how much of your self worth and identity is tied to work. The more you are able to say ‘I’m just an average person’, the more you are able to avoid ego traps.

Work is not something you can solve outside since that is the root cause of the issue. You have to solve it at work. Learning to say no, accepting being lazy sometimes, accepting being good and bad, and so on. Solve these things at work (goto sleep if you are tired, be comfortable sucking from time to time - delay delivery of work, etc). Be comfortable with letting the job go if it comes to it (yourself leaving or them letting you go).

If you solve it at the source, then it will not spill over for the most part.

Now, with all that said, I concede that such a strategy is difficult to implement (especially if your identity is already deeply tangled into your career). You may need to untangle (refactor) first and foremost.

Do not underestimate the healing power of just sleeping something off.

It’s a process, good luck.

Work anxiety is really just because it's incomplete. The motor is still running. You have to turn it off a bit early, maybe an hour or so. With working from home, I've learned to start 15 min early and end 15 min early or I'll be stressed through the night.

Meditation made things worse for me. The key is to focus on only one thing and avoid thinking about everything else. It can be a game. It can be a movie. I prefer motion. Tennis is great; focus on the ball and not how you swing. Running is great; focus on how your feet hit the ground. Cooking works too. I like particularly hard recipes like poached eggs after work. Do the things that you can't do without focusing; it forces you into flow and being in flow is fun. If you're watching a movie while swiping your phone, you're failing at relaxing.

If you have to think about work, then do so. Take a long shower, lie down and don't blank your mind with meditation. Draw on a piece of paper what you're thinking. Take notes. Take a nap. Don't jerk your brain out of work because you think that's how you relax. It has to be "completed" somehow. But you don't have to do it in front of a PC.

The brain can only handle one scope at a time. There's a massive switching cost, to the point that it's usually cheaper to try to do the thing slowly, rather than switch out then switch back in.

Rituals/habit.

Easily repeatable, no-fail(doesn't matter if you don't do it) routine. Using a ritual repeatedly will eventually signal to mind and body you are in a different physical/mental space now.

Many people like exercise based rituals; walking, running, sports. "walking around the block" was highly suggested as a substitute for the commute during lockdowns. Some walked clockwise to get to work. Anti-clockwise to go home.

Second part is to deliberately not think about work BUT ALSO not have to concentrate hard. You've done/about-to-do a good day, give yourself a break for a moment.

I commute via motorcycle and find the requirement to be "present" enforces not thinking about work.

Edit -clarity

This.

I try to get on my BMX as often as possible after work. Either I'm completely concentrated on riding or there will be pain. After 30-60 minutes everything work related is gone.

Also, if you are not on-call, disable work related stuff on your phone (slack, work email, etc.).

One more thing which I consider helpful is using the last 5-15 minutes in the office to write down ideas or problems related to work which I can pick up the next day.

Cigar and a cocktail. Enjoying the ritual of crafting something that is completely optional, unproductive, and personal. And slowing down to enjoy. Deep breaths. Concentrating on something rather analog.

It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. In fact, a good cup of tea can get a lot of the same results: ritual, pleasure, creation, and concentration.

I second this.

Have an organic grower locally that sends me artisan cigars and tobacco.

Then I light a cigar or smoke a pipe.

Never inhale, only puff and play with the smoke.

> In fact, a good cup of tea can get a lot of the same results

I take 500mg of theanine[0] instead of tea, which I never liked. Too much water in it, and leaves me bladderless if I drink too much of it

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theanine

I used to go to the bar and have a drink. After a decade of that, it started to make my anxiety worse, and have significant negative effects on my physical and mental health. For the past several years, I've switched to exercise. After work I go for a short 1-2km jog by default, because it's easy, but I try to do something more interesting when I have the time and energy: swimming, biking, kayaking, yoga, etc. It's not as easy as having a drink, but a 15-20 minutes is enough to make me feel better, and feeling better usually lasts the rest of the night, helps me sleep better and wake up rested, which is something alcohol never did for me.

The biggest little thing that made a huge difference for me was changing clothes as soon as I got home.

Off with the work clothes and on with shorts, t-shirt and flip-flops, or appropriate outdoor clothes to go out and play in the snow.

The mind-shift always shocked me, and on the evenings I didn't do it for an hour or two I always regretted it, to the point I wrote a note to myself that said "CHANGE CLOTHES NOW!" that sat where I put my keys down.

Works for me as well. I call it "putting on my play clothes", just like after school when I was a kid some decades ago.

I've heard the metaphor that having a calm mind is being able to watch your thoughts go by and not engage with them, like standing on the shoulder of a busy highway and not having the urge to get in any of the cars.

For me, the biggest break through was realizing that my mind isn't as sophisticated or nuanced as I think. When I realized I could control what thoughts I engage with by simply redirecting my thinking to something else when intrusive thoughts came knocking, it was a game changer.

I think you're looking at the flower during the week and linking it up with negative thoughts, now. You're effectively creating your own reality and loop of:

Wednesday --> flower --> where's the chill? --> Oh right, I can't during the week --> Anxiety

Do the work so that when you encounter the flower, you are already chill. Intrusive work thoughts? Redirect thinking to interests and things you enjoy. Repeat as necessary. It gets easier every time. Eventually, the intrusive thoughts don't bother trying to interrupt -- they aren't welcome.

Along the lines of Getting Things Done, keep as much as you can (succinctly) in paper. In my case, I keep it in org files (Emacs Org Mode), with scheduled timelines. You can then tell yourself that you have noted it down and will come back to it as per the planned timeline.

Games that overwhelm your brain. This might sound counter-intuitive, but works fine for me. Bridge or Draughts problems, Math puzzles, programming side-projects etc.

Music.

Other mundane activities such as exercise, cooking, reading, sex (this one, may be not so mundane)...

Acknowledging to myself that I've made an impact today, that I can make more of one tomorrow, and giving myself permission to relax for the rest of the day.

You've noticed this is easier on the weekends, I submit this is because you give yourself permission to relax on the weekends due to social convention.

Perhaps deciding on a time after which you give yourself permission to relax on weekdays will both help your situation, and also drive daily thinking and objectives towards small, manageable wins that let you put a pin in the day.

Showering before dinner has helped me insert a "transition moment" where I can get final work thoughts out of my head.

Also, Microsoft Flight Simulator 2020 is a fantastic form of meditation for me these days. Nothing like a sunset flight down the coast to clear my mind.

What worked for me is to break a hard problem into smaller chunks that can be done in a day. That way at the end of the day I'm satisfied that the goal is met. Brain gets into a habit of not getting anxious about the whole thing.

It's not only what I do after work, it's more what I do at the end of my workday. I make notes about the tasks I've completed, and write todos for the next day, relating to the tasks I'm currently working on.

I think this lets my mind feel more at ease with stopping for the day, as I have actionable things to do the next day, even if I didn't complete all my tasks.

As someone who spends most of his working day behind a desk and steering on an artificial screen I find activities at home like gaming, watching tv shows eg. not fulfilling (anymore). At the next day I had always the feeling that work is the only important thing I was doing and when there were some difficulties at work it impacted obviously the whole life.

After trying out different things the last years I’ve sticked with walking/hiking for 2+ hours almost every evening. Important: it has to be in the nature and the most relaxing experience is when I don’t meet any person at all.

During this time I can reflect best on my life. Surely it’s not a meditation but for me a nice technique to find more peace in life.

I think being outside, exercise or having children (only if you want to) would be my best suggestions for living mindfully. Meditation will help as well if you can get into it, if you can't do it alone try a session with others, there are many flavours of groups.

Breaking the rumination cycle is challenging. You are doing the right things. Changing venue, changing activity, changing posture are all good techniques.

For me, the two main strategies I have for putting a breakpoint in my day are cooking and woodworking.

Woodworking is a great hobby to try. You can do it in your kitchen — Festool et al let you work indoors dust free.

On the weekend you design projects, build them, solve problems and fit pieces together but on the weeknights you plane, sand, paint, oil, and shellac your work. It is mind numbingly relaxing and couldn’t be more different to work. It even requires a change of clothes which sounds like a small thing but is an important step to breaking the rumination cycle.

That sounds great. And you get results.

I bet knitting would fall in the same category. Rare is the guy who takes it up, but none are disrespected. My mom and ex knitted a lot, and we all got something out of it.

Get a hobby that requires focus and attention. I started learning to play guitar several years ago. I'm still learning, but the point is I have more to learn and always will. Spending time focusing on that and not work allows me to completely forget about work until the next day.

Everyone will find different things work for them individually, but as a general rule of thumb you need to distract your mind so that it is too busy doing something else to think about work.

For me personally, that means going for a walk.

There's a theory that the brain can't do highly complicated thinking while also focusing on the complicated effort of walking, so while we often say "I'm going for a walk to think about something" and come back having had a good long think, the "day job" part of the brain is now focused on walking, while the more subconcious aspects are doing the thinking.

That not only gives me different solutions and ideas, it builds fitness, shakes up sluggish muscles and boosts oxygen to the blood/brain by the physical activity.

I started playing Badminton after day is over and it is helping me a lot.

What helped me:

At the end of the work day i write all the stiff currently in my mind down. Either on a notepad that is always laying on my desk or a fullscreen text editor window where i write it in the center. (It is basically like dumping the ram to disc)

The I rode my bike home for about 20-25 minutes. This really cleared my mind.

(Now since corona i am in home office and i just step out the home office. I miss the bike rides. But the suggestion of someone else in the thread about taking a shower before lunch sounds great)

If I don't have plans with friends after work, I like to go for a walk, grab a quick drink at a nearby restaurant, something simple that helps switch my brain from work mode to relaxation mode. Exercise definitely helps.

Sometimes, when I'm dealing with open-ended projects, I find that making a to-do list for the next day at the very end of the work day helps me 'switch off,' at night, as I have a concrete plan for how I'm going to tackle the next day.

May I suggest drawing? I am really bad at it, but - it encourages good posture, trains a different side of brain than coding, and you stare at paper more than the screen.

My practice is trying to draw portraits based off Unsplash stock photos.

Also - sports, no brainer. The more stressed you are, the more exercise you should try to get.

I handle work week really badly, when I code I noticed my brain just turns into kind of compiler and shuts other areas off.

For portraits drawing check the Sktchy app, it was done specifically for that.

Meditation doesn't work for me. No matter how much I try to still my mind, it always circles back to the problems that have been left unsolved.

High intensity exercise works best for me. Activities that require focus, concentration and lots of sweat, e.g. boxing, cycling, trail running. Then after showering and a fresh change of clothes the concerns of the workday are left far behind.

>No matter how much I try to still my mind, it always circles back to the problems that have been left unsolved.

The main idea behind meditation is "becoming the observer", it has helped me when I detach from myself and just try to observe, feeling things is ok.

The best analogy is you standing on beach, waves will come and go, idea is not to eliminate your environment and be blank, the idea is to be OK with your surrounding.

I highly recommend trying it with a group of people, preferably in person. There are so many types of groups Zen, Trad Buddhist, Transcendental etc. It's a nice way to meet people as a lot of people really open up afterwards and it's very much an environment of kindness. Or you can do what I did and throw yourself into a 1 week retreat with strangers on a deserted island.

Regarding meditation, there is amazing app called Headspace that can get you calm relatively fast. I also use this one trick that immediately releases the tension: Sit down somewhere quiet, inhale deeply and on your exhale let your jaw, shoulder, back muscles fall down. We carry a lot of pressure in these and subconsciously forget to relax them.

Physical activity, where you have to focus on your motorics does it for me. I play some pingpong (quest 2 & eleven is great for this!!) And automatically stop thinking about anything else. Its a great alternative, as its entertaining but doesnt require any thinking. Much better than anything passive imo

Ping-pong is great if you have someone to get a game going with. It’s also great as a refreshment break mid-day too because you stay highly-focused.

Making music, and physical activity that’s intense enough to crowd out thought. Or ride a bicycle, you can’t stay in your mind too much when you’re watching traffic and uneven pavement. But running, harder biking, hiking up hills, lifting weights not only shift your mind to activity alone, they’re also good for your physical health.

Thats the great thing about eleven / playing ping pong in VR, you can play with other people, and it is bafflingly social, just because you have a strong presence of another person being in the "room". Everyone is kind & you can have nice conversations. Can highly recommend.

Can you define in the morning what you are going to do today? If you can clearly define that you should be able to release some of the anxiety.

BTW that's why I transferred from an analyst to an engineer. It's a lot easier to do so for an engineer. You just clear a few tickets and you are done for the day.

After work I feel tired, what’s the natural thing to do when you’re tired? Take a nap. So that’s what I do

Get a hobby that excites you, especially something outside of tech.

For me learning the guitar is doing the trick, as soon as I start my daily practice routine I can't stop thinking about guitar stuff. Never one work thought came into my mind yet.

How did you go about learning the guitar? I have been thinking about taking this up. Any recommended websites or apps?

sure, I use justinguitar.com which is great if you are a beginner. The guy is the perfect teacher and it's on a donation basis, so you only pay what you can afford and you think his course is worth.

Meditation is the best way to calm your mind but few people have enough discipline to do it everyday and learn how to control their thoughts. A great alternative is to focus on a hobby that makes your mind focus on the hobby and the hobby only. Painting, gardening, croshe, photography and chess? A hobby is a great way to slow down and get away from the stress of life. Your goal is to immerse yourself in the details of the hobby but not to compete to be the best. A hobby is to relax the mind. As a programer, I wished I would have known this before. It was difficult for me to let go of programming problems so my mind was always active trying to figure out that day's problem. It sucked.

https://open.spotify.com/album/4PWoz1jESeNXC5rWoWKwX4

how successful was the meditation - were you able to maintain focus on an object of attention? If your mind wandered repeatedly then the meditation won't be very effective. Each time you wander you ramp up the neural activation. Get into a place where you can concentrate on your object without any intrusive thoughts for long periods of time and meditation will calm your mind pronto.

Actually reading HN is quite refreshing while you feel stress in your working.

It fulfills: 1) focusing on other things 2) finding somethings fun

Watch food/travel vlogs, FPS games, hack something up Arduinos & 3D printer or just read Sci-Fi books

Go for a walk, bicycle ride or in Summer, the river beach close by.

Good food (especially dishes that smell amazing) and ice-cream.

Workout

Then mindless youtube videos on silly topics

The most effective of it all is: Rock climbing

i find excercising would help quite a bit. when you're tired, you can't really think much which help driving down the anxiety.

Quoting Frank Zappa: Music is the best.

Jiu Jitsu & Edibles

I second Jiu Jitsu.

soulcycle