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Comment by Salgat | Hacker News Reader

I think part of it is also that some people create a dependence on forced social interaction to address their own loneliness, instead of developing healthy friendships outside the workplace.

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A healthy friendship outside the workplace is maybe 25 hours per month of contact, at the upper end. That's meeting frequently for meals and spending 25-50% of weekends together. If you manage to have 3 of those, that's 75 hours a month of being around other people. Still quite far from the 160 built into an office job.

I don't think friendship is a substitute for the socialization an office provides. A roommate situation might be, but that has other serious challenges.

I've never heard it said better why dismissing work relationships is misframed

This is something that took me a bit to realize. I've made some friends at work that do things outside of work, but building relationships/friendships outside of work are usually more meaningful and last longer.

Easier said than done in today's world, unfortunately.

While true, that's to blame on COVID, not WFH.

COVID makes it worse, but the erosion of participation in structured social groups (fraternal organizations, sports leagues, churches, etc.) has been on the decline for a long, long time. Less participation means less funding means less outreach means even less participation means less groups in total, means less participation, etc.; down and down it goes. Now even the paycheck-compelled participation in the office environment is eroding.

For many people, making new friends as an adult gets harder with age. Part of that is that we're not compelled to join things like we were as children. Part of it is that we have the cumulative time and means to create our own favored environments - my house has some kick-ass stuff in it and air conditioning, so why would I leave it? :D I kid, but kinda not.

As I've gotten older, I've made a point to get more involved in entirely voluntary organizations (collector's groups, church, etc) and it takes work. It's rewarding on the balance - good for my personal growth and good for the group assuming they would agree that I bring a modicum of value to the table - but it takes a dedication that doesn't come easy. Kind of like exercise, right?

An antipattern here is expecting to replicate your quality childhood friendships quickly. Friendships, particularly intimate friendships, take a long time and many shared experiences. 80% of the job is just showing up, so nothing kills budding friendship opportunities like flaking out one too many times. Show up!

The book Bowling Alone is about this trend of declining social capital and connection in the US, and was published in 2000. This is a modern phenomenon, which transcends any intensification during the last 18 months.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling_Alone

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