That's the German language. That's what you get if you try to translate it very directly. It sounds a bit out of place in English, thus you have a surprise element (jokes work like that), which makes the quotes fun.

For example: "I have sticky tapes in my store that mere mortals would never dare to dream of." - I can guarantee the shop owner used "Normalsterbliche" in the original quote. A normal, if not a bit old school, German colloquialism, meaning normal, average people.

If you translate it to "mere mortals", it sounds like the Lord of the Rings, sticky tape edition.