Life lessons learned in travelling the world for 8 years straight
fluentin3months.com
fluentin3months.com
More money will NEVER solve your problems
Sure, for some people, having more money wouldn't improve things, but for many people, it definitely could. And I'm not just talking about people who are starving or homeless. You don't need a car to be happy, but if it means you waste far less time every week driving wherever you need to get to, it certainly has the potential to make you happier.
Can a really happy life be built entirely on having money? No (well, maybe for some people, I don't know), but that doesn't mean money can't or doesn't help to improve people's lives.
"A" has rich parents (few hundred million). "A" has rich friends. "A" enjoys expensive past-times. "A" currently lives off around $1,000,000 per year (mortgage, food, entertainment, etc.). Most of "A"'s associates have a similar lifestyle. If "A" loses all of his money and is forced to take a job at $150,000 a year then he'll be absolutely miserable. He'll feel poor because all his friends and associates have so much more, and because he's become accustomed to a way of life he can no longer afford.
Now person "B" has a blue collar job, no savings, and makes $50,000 per year. "B"'s parents are not rich, but were always able to put food on the table. "B"'s friends and associates all live fairly similar lifestyles. If "B" is suddenly handed a magical supervisor role that pays $150,000 a year he'll feel absolutely rich. He'll have more money than any of his current associates. He has more money than he even knows what to do with.
Both "A" and "B" now make the same amount of money, but "B" is happier than "A" and it has everything to do with expectations, and since they have the same amount of money, then money must not be a direct factor.
You can keep taking this further until you hit a point where there's not enough money to cover bare necessities. This means that every single $ you make above the bare minimum to live a healthy life is unnecessary if you manage your expectations. For many of us it's easier to make more money than manage our expectations though. If you're barely scraping by on a $100,000 salary, maybe it's time to step back and examine your expectations and priorities.
I was working a stable, dull job, had a quiet social life, and was reasonably happy and content. But I decided that I could be living much more. I quit my job, moved cross country, started and finished a Ph.D. program, got an academic job, and also got much more adventurous in my social life. Across the board, my life was characterized by a lot more hardship, failure, and painful exposure to things which I wanted but were out of reach.
My life has been much, much better as a result. I am actually making much less money than I would be if I had kept on at my old job, but I raised my expectations relative to the life I was living, and this made all the difference.
What I've found to be the secret for myself is that I only appreciate something as much as the effort it took to get it. It doesn't really matter what it is I'm trying to get, how much I enjoy the result seems to depend entirely on how much effort it took to achieve. If I work my ass off for $100, then it might feel like the best $100 I ever made. If someone hands me $1,000,000, I won't turn it down, but I won't care about it nearly as much as that hard-earned $100.
So setting realistic but challenging goals keeps us happy. If the bar's too low we don't appreciate the gains. Too high and we can lose our motivation.
Money can be part of those goals but it doesn't have to be.
It really starts to blow your mind when you start applying this principle to everything in life (I'm not running a cult or anything, ymmv).
My life has been much, much better as a result.
How do you know this? You didn't live the other life, so you seem just to be speculating about how the other life may have turned out. You know know that the life you chose really is better.
Or do you?
This question is, in my experience, the crux of many people's depression.
I realize that may seem to be hyperbole but consider that it is a question that cannot be reasonably answered. Even when it seems like it can, for example a friend of mine was stressing over the fact that they did not take a job offered to them by a startup, the startup was acquired and the person who did take the job did quite well. They felt like they had been 'stupid' to not taking the job, but everyone knows a company is the sum of its people. With the different mix the outcome could have been different.
I sometimes joke about knowing that I never invent time travel, because if I had I would have gone back to the summer of 2000 and told myself to cash out of equities. My wife said, but what if doing that prevents you from having the set of experiences that lead to you inventing time travel? Or maybe future-you sees the value of the path you took vs 'other' road you did not take.
Fundamentally you have to decide, move on, and accept. As a parent it is especially hard to do since you not only don't have any sort of manual on what the right thing to do is, everyone's child is different and so the 'right' thing is really impossible to know apriori.
So perhaps its not so much knowing that your life has been better because of your previous decisions, its more about understanding that the quality of your life, its 'betterness' if you will, is a combination of variables and that you've always decided to be true to your principals. So having solid principals for making those decisions you can be satisfied with your part in how your life has turned out.
As far as how my other life may have "turned out"... I guess I'm not really sure what that means. I think the one comparison I can really make is if I had not made a lot of changes. Of course it is possible that I could have changed my life in some totally different direction, maybe without leaving town, and life would have been even better than my life now. That, of course, I can't guess.
But I feel conviction in my bones that I did right.
I think people underestimate how much work/effort/time it takes to change ones perspective.
That being said, I think the concept of money and having or not having it is a great topic for debate. It's one of those things that most would love to detest, but in reality, they realize they only way they're going to be able to detest it (short of being homeless) is to make money. It sucks, it's dehumanizing, and it shouldn't be that way, but it is.
For this and many other interesting musings on the nature of happiness I strongly recommend "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert. It's fascinating.
"My feet hurt all day" might get solved by buying a fairly expensive pair of shoes, for example.
Will winning the lottery give you the perfect life? Doubtful. Can money solve many problems and improve your life in other ways? Very often.
More often than not, it actually causes more problems than it solves. I forget the statistic off the top of my head, but some astounding percentage of lottery winners -- let's say 75% -- end up worse off within 5 years of winning than they were before they won. (Granted, a lot of that has to do with the fact that the type of person most likely to be playing the lottery is also the type of person who has no real concept of the value of how to manage a $XXX million fortune, let alone a $XXX million fortune acquired literally overnight).
Granted, a lot of that has to do with the fact that
the type of person most likely to be playing the
lottery is also the type of person who has no real
concept of the value of how to manage a $XXX million
fortune, let alone a $XXX million fortune acquired
literally overnight
When I first started traveling for long durations, I quickly realized that my biggest expense was keeping my life in the USA alive. Once I ditched the apartment/car payment, I found that I could live substantially cheaper on the road than I could back home.
As an example, living and climbing on the beach in Thailand, I could pay for my monthly rent/food/beer expenses with a single day of billable work. I had a laptop along for exactly that purpose, and as a result I ended up padding out the savings quite a bit by living in a tin shack on the beach.
You think travel is expensive because vacations are expensive and that's your only experience with travelling. A week in Hawaii costs about $10k for your family all in, so naturally it must cost me ~$500k a year on the road, right? I'll leave it to you to do the math on what you actually end up spending when you're paying local rates for accommodation and travel in 3rd world countries, but the answer you're working toward is $500-$1000/month.
However, I still see this type of travelling as a luxury. I would not fly off to another country for 6 months or longer, without a significant amount of savings.
Not everyone can necessarily do a bit of freelance work when they are abroad. As a former freelancer who who's spent several years now working full-time in an office, I have lost a lot of my freelance network of clients and contacts. Furthermore, if we're looking outside of the Hacker News community, not everyone has a skill that can be as easily marketable from a distance.
Trying to establish a freelance network back in your native country, once you're abroad could be an option for me, although not one I would rely on for my survival. I would also not rely on acquiring work visas, either. Especially if I couldn't prove to the relevant authorities that I had enough existing savings to not be a burden.
So unless you're a person in a particular situation in life, with a specific skill set, you will still be spending a reasonable amount of money during your months or years abroad. Add to that flights, insurance (maybe you're not too keen on cheap surgery in a third world country), vaccinations, the loss of maybe a few years contributions to your retirement savings, the cost of reintegrating yourself into your country when you return. Things get expensive. Although I previously did not think so, I would now definitely consider long-term travelling (with the intent of returning) a luxury.
Edit: That's not to say it's not a good idea. Or that it's impossible. As far as luxuries go, it's a very good one to go for.
It's less common to see Americans doing this, but you'll be hard pressed to find a Brit or Aussie who didn't take a Gap Year at some point.
Gap years aside, I'm referring to sustainability when trying to do the work you want to, travelling and living frugally. Perhaps the author of the blog post was waiting tables for 8 years, in which case I apologise. But I'm assuming that, like me, they're a person who might have a bit of savings, and has a skill set in an industry that is location-independent. As such, doing work we are qualified in, on the road, is an option that is available to us. However, I acknowledge that doing so is a luxury. I do not believe I would be able to do so if I was penniless and didn't have a fair amount of work experience.
I didn't mean to be a killjoy. Doing what the author of the blog post did is something that I aspire to do. And as someone working hard towards that goal (work fulfillment + location and financial independence + guaranteed retirement income), I feel that presenting the bigger picture is important.
Not true. Sure, it's common enough for young people to take a gap year before or after university, but not everyone does - I certainly didn't. Among those who don't go to university, taking a gap year would be the exception rather than the rule.
I've been working abroad for over a year now. Make it happen and go where you want. Kids are easy to travel with in most countries too.
In my eyes, 8 years of constant travel would be expensive. Compare that to 8 years of working on the same spot.
These are costs that would be decreased.
My thought was that: you have to make concessions beyond what you would normally have in your life and that, to me, is proof that you are undertaking in a luxury which you can not easily afford.
Which brings me to my original point: when it's clear that the ability to travel requires money can somebody then genuinely advise others that more money doesn't solve a problem?
I think this is just merely the blog poster's world view articulated into 29 points, and incidentally he has travelled the world instead of living in one place.
I had already traveled a lot ( as a tourist ) before I left Greece to come and live in Japan, when I started to make a life here, I practically had to rediscover myself. It is not so much the big things, it's the small ones : habits that I took for granted, jokes that do not sound funny, if you can ask someone's phone number... Like a very thin safety net of supporting culture I never new was there just disappeared underneath me.
I also had a fresh view of Greece , and my life before
I think traveling gives you a change of perspective difficult to grasp at home
I'm glad to read that you recommend it. I hope one day I'll give out the same advice, from another perspective.
This group was initiated by Garr Raynolds of http://www.presentationzen.com/ but Garr became very busy, so since last year, together with another guy we run the show.
I'd also be interested in grabbing a coffee some time with others from HN; my e-mail is in my profile, please drop me a line :)
Thanks!
I am very sorry, the site is not updated yet (because I didn't have time to get to it yet :( Sorry, things are getting a little crazy with day job recently... )
My current work as a system engineer implementing ERP systems for overseas affiliates, takes me often to work abroad (from Japan, that is) for a few weeks a time. Although I don't have time to do almost any sight-seeing at all, and although they will usually have me stay in more or less high grade hotels (that narrow one's vision, because they are the same, everywhere), it is working together with the local operators and managers, eating together, understanding their work ethic and habits, getting their feedback, pushing it together through the transition period, so when I go back I feel I understand a little bit more about the country from these interactions than from whatever I saw during my limited time off work.
It has to do with the change of perspective. When traveling you usually curry your original perspective with you so it is kind of difficult to see things from another angle while bound for back home.
I guess it depends on how you travel though (the OP sounds like a very serious traveler).
However, to know them and to learn them are two different things. Since human, especially me, has a tendency of falling back into old habits (such as hoarding possessions), posts such as this now-and-again to serve as reminders should always be welcome.
On an another note, I have a feeling that the term "life lesson" is being thrown about way too much. Can you say you have learned a life lesson without living through most of your life (ie. < ~50)?
Very true. But I think they have everything to do with questioning your assumptions, breaking your routine, and experiencing something unfamiliar. One can do all of these things without leaving home. But showing up to a foreign country where you don't speak the language or know anybody seems like a particularly effective way to do all of this.
As for OP, I think he learned a lot more than what he articulated. He's obviously intelligent, thoughtful, and experienced. But the 29 points he gave are all observations that, while valuable, are hardly original. This isn't surprising; usually the things people say they learned aren't what they actually learned because the latter are too subtle and difficult to articulate.
It would be nearly impossible to read these "N lessons" posts if they were not in the form of lists, which points to the fact that they don't flow very well. They are written in bite-sized chunks for information-hungry internet nerds like us.
Writers, please tell stories. We don't need more advice.
It's been an amazing experience seeing this go viral (see the counts on the left of the post), but I'll be sticking to my non-list posts for the majority of what I write :)
Also, this isn't advice but what I've learned. I didn't want it to come across as preachy, but actually something I would like to have told myself at age 21 and am thinking aloud.
I hope you enjoy other stories shared on the blog! Here's people's favourite one I've written this year: http://www.fluentin3months.com/speed-dating
Every time I see this, I ask myself, how is this advice reconciled with the famous Marshmallow experiment? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment
There surely must come a point where enough deferred future marshmallow gratification makes deferred gratification a recommended life strategy.
If I were always to choose not to delay my happiness, I'd eat unhealthy foods, not force myself to do exercise and never work hard to achieve anything.
As I heard a comic say, "I decided to live every day as if it were my last. Now I have really bad credit."
You can read the article on the new yorker now (google newyorker marshmallow, article is called "the secret of self-control") but the key concept is "strategic allocation of attention".
I'm not sure what his point is...in fact the whole article is a little bit haphazard. The concept is usually stated as "deferring pleasure", which is completely different from deferring happiness.
Looking back at it now I think that's everything should be limited. Including TV, including reading books alone and including travelling around the world. But.
The only thing that shouldn't be limited - is the pursue of your own unique excellence.
ADD:
So, if you want to be an excellent traveller - travel, if you want to be an excellent writer - write even not seeing others, if you want to be anything you like - do want you like. And try to be excellent.
That's the only life advice I have!
ADD 2: Naturally, if you don't want to be excellent, try to be excellent to be non-excellent !!!
this fits nicely into the "what white people like" stereotype. go outside! why? maybe i want to read a book and be left alone. maybe i don't like dancing and singing.
how about: do whatever you like, but please, don't preach. we are different.
/white, like travel and outdoors, but love to consume art
Doing "whatever you like" doesn't necessarily enrich your life. It's just immediate pleasure. Sometimes doing whatever is BEST for you (which you should of course decide) is way more important. If people really sat down and thought about it, a lot of them would realise that, as much as they like it, TV is NOT best for them.
You wouldn't say "all books are bad" would you... Sadly people seem to take the worst TV (reality TV) and assume it's all like that.
Watch some good movies, comedies or documentaries. Heck watch "How it's made" for a few days.
The "read more" crowd gets the reverse of this - much of what is in print is not worth the time it takes to consume it.
In general, value your time and use it accordingly. You're not getting it back if you decide it was wasted later.
how about you get a little older? how about staying in a place for a little longer, say 10 years and see how time makes a difference? your zero impact runaway life is a narrow experience - ever thought about that?
maybe you'll realize that all your travels, all your experiences don't make your life a jota more "valuable" or less valuable than the ones of any other being, whatever life they live.
your open mind - isn't.
Secondly, it's "lessons learned", not commandments. Just stuff he picked up whilst traveling, not universally-accepted, committee-approved advice for everyone on planet earth and those who aren't born yet.
Finally, what on earth does age have to do with conveying general observations? What would staying 10 years in Portofino tell me that I couldn't get from open exploration and friendly/social interaction in a few weeks? That they actually ship their sardines live from China and throw them into the Ligurian? Good to know, but I'm a traveler. Why do I need to know that?
"your open mind - isn't."
I don't think he conferred himself any type of honor or status about his travels that assumes he is open-minded, except to say "I had an open mind while traveling and learned some stuff. Hope you can appreciate it." He isn't bigoted against people who do or don't do anything from what I could read in that article. When he says "don't defer your happiness" he means just that: Appreciate what you've got while you're planning on attaining more if that's the goal."
"41 Life Lessons Learned by Marrying, Moving to Suburbia, and Raising a Family".
That's what I did and I'm a happy guy.
Someone needs to write
- Possessions do own you. I have made an effort in the past year to minimize my stuff. One of my long term goals is to be able to shrink the majority of my life into a travel-able size. It allows me to cherish the essentials and not bloat the rest of my life.
- Money does allow for happiness, just to a certain extent. Money opens up many opportunities and comforts. It also adds security. If my car gets totalled tomorrow, I know that I have enough money saved up to be able to handle it, rather than suddenly be put in a dire situation that could jeopardize my job.
- Major goals are important, but not everything. People work towards things, its natural of humanity. Everyone sets goals and works towards them (or sometimes waits for them) and it is a strong driving force in our lives. But sacrificing your happiness now for the sake of those goals is counterproductive. You need to enjoy the time used to achieve that goal. You shouldn't look back on the year(s) taken to get to the point and see a lot of unhappiness and pain, enjoy some of the time instead.
- In regards to the internet/tv posts, I would say that the biggest thing anyone can do is read. The Internet provides an incredibly accessible portal of information and using it to learn new things (and an incredibly breadth of things) is a tool everyone should use and abuse.
... Just my random thoughts after reading the post.
- Don't stay at hotels, use airbnb. The hosts are almost always locals that speak decent English and want to get to know you, so that's enriched my experience tremendously. Disclaimer: I do NOT work for airbnb, but after seeing how it has enriched my travels it's definitely at the top of my list if I ever wanted to apply for a job again.
- Go out of your way to meet other travelers. Usually, travelers like to keep to themselves. But there are districts in any city that are especially frequented by foreigners. Why restrict yourself to locals? Foreigners from a different country who are traveling are just as interesting for cultural exchange as the locals. They usually speak English fairly well and it's not uncommon to be engaged in an English conversation with a German, a Russian, a Chinese, and a French person at a bar. It's quite fascinating.
While it is definitely less expensive to travel than one would think, it still does cost quite a bit if you want to travel to major cities and have a living standard which is at least close to western-standard. Staying with friends and using airbnb instead of hostel/hotel is the best way to keep costs down. After 3 months of traveling (Australia, South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and now Spain) I've spent an average of $4300/mo. I'm traveling with my wife so the per person cost is actually less. Could I get by with less by teaching English and staying in one place longer, etc? Yes, but as with everything, there is a tradeoff between time and money.
And while I agree with many of the articles points, I completely disagree with #16. The "easy going" may look charming and smart on the surface, but when reality suddenly shows up (illness, accident, any sort of emergency, etc) then its suddenly not so charming anymore.
I believe a big reason for the "easy going" attitude lays in the available Social Capital in a given society. In societies with low Social Capital, its often no use to be "less easy going" and work hard, since careers are not build by knowledge or good work, but by "Guanxi" and Amigos (because Social Capital is low these relationships become more important than actual professional knowledge). I am pretty sure that, having a real choice, most people would opt for the "less easy going" way, where products and services, houses and medical care are available and reliable.
Languages should be always acquired wherever possible. On my travels I've picked up Irish, French, Chinese and attempting to learn Nepalese to placate the in-laws for my future wedding speech.
Out in Sydney now.
I personally would love to read some good advice on how to deal with people who actively try to harm you, as most advice available focusses on how to make friends and acquaintances.
Another useful skill that I alluded to is the ability to quickly and accurately simplify your thoughts into words that you know in the language in question. You will learn that a lot of the time in English you are just adding layers and layers of nuance to what you are saying rather than more clearly saying what you are actually thinking.
But my point was that the whole open-minded versus closed-minded conversation hinges upon cultural values which are by no means universal. There are many cases where the reverse is seen as important (e.g. resisting outside influences) or where the entire topic is not seen as meaningful or important.
Disclaimer: I have seen so many Enlightened Tourists after two weeks in Lhasa or a Hindu/Yogi Gurus after one months in Varanasi and especially Teachers Of Humanity with an obvious Narcissistic Personality Disorder.