The sociopaths are cocksure while those with empathy are full of doubt | Hacker News Reader

The sociopaths are cocksure while those with empathy are full of doubt

caitlinjohnstone.substack.com

25 pointsedu7 comments

> Here are some of my tools that I fall back on when people are mean ... 3) Literally shake it off. I personally have found a lot of healing in shaking things off quite literally, as well as other kinaesthetic movements.

The classic guy prescription for anything that ails you, including a broken leg, is "Walk it off". That's not such good advice for a broken leg, but for me it's excellent advice for dealing with social trauma, from getting dumped by a girlfriend to a mean tweet. Major bonus points if the walk is through nature, which the Japanese call shinrin-yoku, a "forest bath". It's great therapy for dealing with the narcissists and sociopaths of social media world. Even better if you turn off the phone.

And pro tip, when walking in the woods with the phone off, listen to the tweets.

What works for me is trying to think like a stoic. What I like about stoicism is it is phenomenally objective and practical. Will being upset improve my situation? Will being short-tempered back to a person that was short with you be helpful in any way? If yes, then by all means be upset. If no, then you know it is an irrational emotional response and it is best just pretend it did not happen. Learn a lesson from it, but do not let it impact your mood.

I do highly recommend it, but be aware that it's easier for some people than for others. Sometimes a mean thing is just a mean thing; sometimes it's a genuine threat or a serious blow to your social standing. That's why we react so strongly.

The safer you are (physically, emotionally, financially), the easier it is to dismiss it as the former rather than the latter. People who are in a more precarious position in life don't always have the luxury for that. It takes more of an effort to make that dismissal, and it usually comes on top of other stresses that, collectively, build up.

So I do strongly recommend that advice, but it's important to note that it's not as easy as it sounds. And when you're the tenth person today to recommend that advice, people get angry -- you're making it worse. I recommend a bit of empathy when that happens. And if it makes you feel bad, it's time to take your own advice.

Maybe less 'literally'. Also, sparing use of the personal pronoun.

Be that true or not, I don't think we should strive for "full of doubt", since uncertainty is also associated with fear/anxiety disorders [1]. Probably doesn't need to be said but if facing doubts ideally keep thinking until you can reach some level of certainty or known uncertainty. Don't know if that will come across as "cocksure" or not

[1] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S088761851...

When I was on an SSRI to deal with anxiety this was the biggest change. I wouldn't say I was suddenly cocky or free of doubt, but I didn't dwell on my choices or worry about how others received me. I was quickly able waive away any self-doubt instead of ruminating on it for days or weeks:

Did I make the right call on this project? Will I get fired if I made the wrong decision? Oh well, a decision had to be made and I made the best one I could.

Someone is having a bad day that I care about? That is on them, not on me.

I suppose SSRI made me a bit of a sociopath, but at the same time it was freeing and allowed me to be happier, more productive,outgoing, friendly, and generally just more all around likable. People gravitated towards me more because I was indifferent and friendly, rather than friendly, but seeking approval.

My empathy towards others was slowly killing me. I cared too much about everything. Like most things, empathy is probably a spectrum. Too much and you are paralyzed with emotions and fear, too little and you are a sociopath who doesn't regard others. I guess in my case I still had empathy as I didn't start screwing people over for personal gain or anything, but I wasn't going to let myself get run over by someone else out of respect for their feelings either.

There is a reason most business leaders are described as being sociopaths; they probably are close to that end of the spectrum. If you are worried about everyone else's feelings all of the time it will probably hold you back in the business world, but you can take solace in that you are a good person who cares about others.

Well, I was going to put up a counter argument, but clearly you dont know how to listen.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com