Some Days I Can’t Do Life – When everyday life becomes a struggle (2020)

Anyway, I eventually took meds, and I have never felt more myself, or the person I want to be. I work, learn, socialize, live in a (relatively) clean apartment, which I leave to go outside.

It took me way too long accept that depression is not all my fault, that it's a disease, and that I needed to see a real doctor.

For those who suffer, or know those who suffer (that's probably everyone) I really recommend this lecture:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc

It's super interesting, it ties all the causes of depression together — childhood trauma, everyday experience, down to the neuron, and chemical reactions. It really helps externalize it.

Its my favourite part of the day, the 'waking up in warm bed' time. When I am just barely conscious and its feels good to be in warm bed - it feel blissful. When I wake up in the morning I will hit 10min snooze, just enough to fall asleep and wake up. Just to get more of that feeling - because I know thats the only time I will get it. I am doing it for an hour on weekdays and often for hours on the weekends.

I just can't force myself out of bed, out of that state where it doesn't feel bad. I talked to people who are going through the same. Some skip work to stay in bed because they cant do it anymore. I did it few times too, and I am terrified I might slip into that state of apathy. That fear is the only thing that keeps me going, I can only hope this fear will stay.

I dont have any wisdom or advice for anyone going through this, I just wanted to vent my thoughts and say that you are not alone in this, stay strong.

> Escaping the depression requires doing things I’m too depressed to do.

So please, if you see yourself at the top of this abyss, reach out right away for help before that too seems like too much.

You are valuable

You are loved

You are worthy of care

Like eating an elephant, one tiny bite at a time, take a small step and celebrate it. That might be as small as sitting up or getting off the couch. Your brain doesn’t want to celebrate it, but you can.

I have been on the support end and also struggled a bit with mild depression for the better part of 20 years. There are people who understand... find them and hold them close.

Hopefully you have a healthy relationship with your parents or a very close friend / partner. Lean into that and let them love you. It may require they physically get you to a doctor and that is a good thing.

One more small step to celebrate.

Stuff like this should be banned from HN.

Reading this as a person with disability leave a bad taste in my mouth. I wonder what people like this would do if faced with a real lifelong challenge?

People assume if you look fine you are fine (which is a reasonable assumption at a first pass) but there are days/weeks I feel "normal" whatever that is and days where I'm watching the clock til it's "I can reasonably go to bed now" time.

Eventually you may need a heavier hammer. Antidepressants can do the job but they are not meant to be used for long term use. The reason is side effects, long term withdrawal/dependency, and the eventual “poop out”. One year should be the cut off.

Fluoxetine, for example, induces neurogenesis. This is the method of action that cures depression. Exercise can do the same thing, which is why you’ll see studies of “cardio is just as effective as antidepressants”. Psilocybin as well.

Chronic stress will reduce your neurogenesis. There are many, many ways in this modern world to experience it.

The stigma of antidepressants needs to end. They can be very useful tools under the right circumstances.

Another thing you have to watch out for is mental illness, such as bipolar, that is not treatable with antidepressants (they can induce mania) nor any holistic method. Mood stabilizers and possibly an “antipsychotic” will be required. I’m bipolar and Lamotrigine has improved my world that no lifestyle change ever could. It’s been nothing short of a miracle drug for me.

I found the 'cure' for me was to reduce the amount of possessions I own to the bare minimum, and to travel (or even move) to a new city/country. (Obviously not as feasible these days, which will hopefully soon change...)

I find going to a new place and being stimulated by new surroundings, culture, food, learning how to get around, etc. always energizes me and makes me excited.

Maybe it's just distracting myself so I don't focus on my own mortality, but isn't that what most of life is anyway?

The cause for this trauma is unmet needs in the formative years of the nervous system until about 5 years. Key among them are needs for autonomy and connection. Those are in natural conflict, and have to be balanced. When those aren't met, survival strategies are developed that undermine us when we are grown up. As a result excessive focus on independence or, the other extreme, over-adaption to others make relationships hard to attain or maintain, and feelings of hopelessness ensue.

Good starting point for reading is the book: Heller, Laurence, Aline LaPierre: Healing Developmental Trauma. How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship, 2012

Here are some of my pieces on this theme:

https://radiosof.com/2015/01/20/depression-comix/

https://radiosof.com/category/mental-health/

This is the hidden danger that people who haven't experienced depression don't seem to understand.

Your worth definitely does not depend on comparisons with what seems popular. There are permanent truths one can grasp and keep, for peace & stability amid the hard times that we all can have; even joy.

Some other ideas (not all are about dating) at: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27637759 and my profile fwiw.

All real best wishes.

Keep the shields up from my anima.

Almost all direct threats (animals, attacks, wars, etc) have been eliminated and if you don’t live in a high crime area, you probably don’t even have a good reason to lock your doors. If you don’t have anything to survive and you don’t really have anything to worry about, more trivial things take on more importance.

I was attacked/chased by a mentally ill person trying to run me down earlier this year. It was the first time in my life getting a full dose of ‘fight or flight’. In the moment it was obviously unpleasant, but I found it was powerful in contextualizing things and bringing perspective. Having my complete sense of safety removed reminded me of how lucky I am to have that 99.999% of the time. It also made me recognize my own capabilities; I was very impressed with my ability to evade danger and survive a dangerous encounter I was completely unprepared for. I’ve never done sport or anything like that so I kind of thought I would be useless if ever attacked, but it turns out I can run and use obstacles in my environment pretty well.

Life is still a struggle between chaos/danger and structure/safety, but the modern world is so well-run that most people don’t really experience that; any one person can drop the ball/give up and it doesn’t matter, which I suspect makes it harder for people to find meaning.

Fortunately, we have many tools at our disposal to get a simulation of fight-or-flight in our daily lives without actually enduring physical assault. I really like horror films and some Googling suggests others find it helpful as well. I also find music is a good tool for regulating emotional state.