I don't want an ESP32 or an ARM in my toaster.

I don't want bluetooth in my toaster. That shit is hard to clean.

I don't want a flashing OLED emoji on my toaster judging my diet. I do plenty of that myself: flashing emoji.

I don't want a toaster with a "personality." I want it to toast, only toast, and nothing but the toast, so help its electronic soul.

Sunbeam Radiant Control: ride or die. Anything made after the 60's is junk by definition.